Steve, things actually sound like they are going quite well. I hate to beat a dead horse but as the others have said, take a deep breath and settle in for the long haul. BD seemingly comes out of nowhere for most of us, but for our WAS it was the final, desperate culmination of a long period of misery and crushed hopes and dreams for something better. Reconciling from that likewise is not a quick process, it takes a lot of time and hard work. Sometimes it'll seem pretty bleak but that's part of it.
Michele says in one of her books to "celebrate the 5%" (I hope I have that percentage right, but the idea is the same regardless). What does that mean? Your WAS may be angry, bitter and a general pain in the butt 95% of the time. But 5% of the time she may be awesome. So you celebrate the 5%, tell her what a great job she's doing and how much you appreciate it. Reinforce the positives and play down the negatives.
My GF and I have been together 3 years and she almost BD'd me because little did I know that what I thought was constructive criticism on my part to her seemed like constant complaining about her. In my pre-DB days I would have argued with her that I was just trying to be helpful, but thanks to DBing I now understand that her PERCEPTION is all that matters to her, not my INTENT. So I have to change her perception. I started by listening and validating every single thing she said. And I changed my approach accordingly. Since then I've celebrated the positives and just shrugged off the negatives, and she is telling me she feels much more loved because of it. And now she asks me how she can do better, so in the end we both get what we want but with none of the negative energy of criticism.
Also what is Steve doing for Steve? How's your GAL going? That should never end, recon or not
