LBW, H in MLC and with OW - part 3

[Vanilla]

He is a shitty father that's why "they" think he is. It's a poor me, I am a victim. Baaaaa hoodoo

And that level of porn is behavioural addiction and it is very weak character. Addicts put their addiction in front of everything else.

I doubt he has feelings about this, just his image is damaged now his cake has been taken away.

Apart from D13, I would leave the kids to make their own minds up which is what you are doing. I believe in the truth as appropriate to age. Not secrets, this guy is addicted to porn and has OW, and I think it's an open secret. And they can say what they think and if they want to they should. I do not think secrets are in any way a good thing. It's why arent we saying it truthfully syndrome or shhh pretend daddy is ok (referred to as gaslighting), it creates head spin (cognitive dissonance) and disbelief in both parents perception of reality.

I think you are spot on.

The more you push your kids the more they will push back and frankly it's idiotic control. And it is entirely possible he isn't loved by his kids, feared maybe, judged possibly, probably not liked even. So I wouldn't tell the kids to validate what they may not feel nor that they will reach out to him.

That may be reality and it bites.

And don't assume he loves or likes them, how he treats you is just extended to how he treats them. There is no rule on this, just validate their feelings on it. If they don't want to reach out then they don't. It's their choice not yours.

Get out of the way is the right thing.

Spot on Meg, love your style.

V