LBW, H in MLC and with OW - part 3

[meg24]

I will continue to IMPLORE you - and I will do this ENDLESSLY. Stop getting your children in the middle... EVEN YOUR ADULT CHILDREN.

Remember when all is said and done what ever happens bio dad or not this is who your SD sees as her dad... and you are her mom in her eyes. Do not do anything to jeopardize those relationships. Of course your SD is entitled to her opinion. And you can simply state you appreciate her support and understanding that this is a difficult time but no matter what he is always her dad.

This is the reason that the book states to do not enlist the help of friends or family. Do not be a catalyst that may trigger a fallout between a dad and daughter. You do not want to be that person.

Yes... I know she came to you and told you her thoughts of her own accord... WHAT AN EGO BOOST for you. But make no suggestions to her that she should take that thought to her father. If she ever does it should be because she genuinely wanted to and then she would never say... I was talking to Meg and she told me to tell you this. Can you see how this could be played out?

Your children - minor or adult should only know that they are loved and supported by both parents. Maybe in your book or the book of most parents your H isn't top notch... but he is still their dad. AND, if he took in a child that wasn't his bio one and loved her the same as the others I think that speaks that he does somewhere have a good side.

I agree with you KitCat. SD came to me, told me she wanted to tell him how she felt, I said she should, good, bad, whatever. I have also told all my children to tell me how they feel about anything I do or say. I have told all of them they have their own relationships with H, that they need to cultivate on their end. She did talk to H last night, he texted me this morning. She told him (his words) that everyone feels he is sh*#@y father.

And, while I don't want to down play any possible porn addiction because that is a real thing... a lot of men watch porn. My husband does... it never bothers me... when he is bored he tends to watch it more. Maybe your husband is truly addicted... but maybe he is just bored and lonely looking for an ego boost? However, maybe its time he get his own google account so you aren't bombarded or left to snoop on his behavior. Its easy enough to get a google account.

H doesn’t just look at porn, he looks at it night and day. He always has, even during our best times together, our happiest times together. It’s not just an ego boost for him. H has an addictive personality, I’ve seen it many times.

As for his text this morning, I can imagine that he feels like everyone is against him. He said to me that we can all figure stuff out for ourselves. He is mad at me, for setting boundaries. I told him again that I think he should apologize to the kids for what he said to them few weeks ago. That he is the father and needs to reach out to them. He just doesn’t like to hear that. For weeks I have been telling the kids to reach out to him, let him know he is loved. I validated his feelings this morning. Right now he doesn’t want to hear it. He wants everything to be easy. So I detach. That’s where I’m at.