WW moved out. Whirlwind of emotions

[reframe]

No. I loaned her the laptop with turbotax on it. She's entered her stuff, we're just sitting down together for the "finale"

Just make sure you are not looking for reasons to see her. You can pull up Turbo Tax on any computer and log in to see what was filed.

I did our taxes and sent my W an email letting her know how much of a return we were getting.

I don't want to precipitate a divorce, so I don't know if it's better to give her the option to get off my coverage now - or just say and do nothing.

Is she still paying you the $200 a month? I would not do anything that would be perceived as advancing the D if you don't want one. My 10 cents

She is. She also said she thought she might qualify for medicaid on her own. So I'm not sure which action (leaving the status quo or suggested we cancel her coverage during open enrollment w/o needing a divorce) is less likely to lead to a D.

Yeah, this part is really tough. It's so counterintuitive. I feel like I'm going to miss the chance to recon by not being there and staying close. I know from these boards that that's not true - but it's a constant struggle.

Remember your W is an A with another man....why would you want to be close to her? If you do she will view you as being weak. Yes hard, but the truth. Read up on Alpha Males and male/female relationships.

Recon will come on her timeline not yours.......just remember the faster you heal, the faster you get your feet underneath of you and start moving forward without her your timeline for recon will be reduced.

Also realize that you may get D'd before it ever happens, if it happens. Accept your MR is over and many spouses never return.

Right. I think I'll indicate that I feel they're a shared responsibility and ask how she wants to handle it. I'm fine with keeping track and having her pay me back in the future, but I think the advice that I wait for her to suggest it is sound.

It just depends on what type of financial burden it is putting you in. When my W moved out I paid more of the expenses because I make more money. Try to think big picture and do you feel like your being taken advantage of. If you feel this way then it might be worthwhile to bring it up and be honest with her about what you can and can not afford.

See, realistically I can afford the dogs. But part of me does feel that it's a shared responsibility and I don't want to enabled her fantasy where she's free and independent, but I still take care of things for her.

Today she posted something on FB about "how blessed she feels, in so many ways today". I'm not sure if she's trying to convince herself, or other people, but <gag>

If you say you can't get off of SM for GAL reasons then so be it but I would un-follow her if it is going to mess with your mind. I personally would do it because I would not want to hear or see those things.

Also remember it is time for you to circle the wagons, you circle the wagons around yourself. Don't put yourself in a position that makes you uncomfortable, sacrifices your values or your morale compass. You are weak, confused, hurt and emotionally spent (this is not an attack I was there 11 months ago) so only do things that make you feel good and that start to build your self-esteem.

About 2 months after my W told me she wanted a D I had to ask her to not come to my birthday party because she didn't make me feel good and I was emotionally weak. You will have to make some of the same decisions until you are emotionally able to stand on your own.

Yea, really struggling right now. I'm going to unfollow her. I'm having a hugely hard time accepting that my M is over.