LBW, H in MLC and with OW - part 3

[meg24]

Vanilla and Blu, I love your words. Thank you. All day long I have felt completely and utterly broken down. My best friend, who is 8 hours away, has been texting me nonstop, to help me through.

But I'm in a better place now, the place I was in before Easter, the weekend he asked if I wanted D or to work through this. Let me explain.

Tiny back story first- Sunday when H was here he went on to Amazon to look at something. His phone wasn't letting him view anything, so I said maybe he needs to update. As he did so, he was prompted to sign in, so I gave him the sign in info. It then took him to sign in to my Google (same sign in info, bad, I know). That seemed strange that it would take him to Google for Amazon. So I told him back out. Then we went on to the next task. Today I remembered that it did that, and changed my Google password.

So tonight, I went to Papa Murphy's for pizza after work as my step-daughter (who calls me Mom) was coming for dinner and I was in no mood to cook. As I was walking back to my car, I got an alert on my phone that someone was trying to sign in to my Google. I mostly figured it was D13 (she used my google account on her phone, to update apps), but wasn't sure. So I denied the sign-in attempt. Then I went to check my email. About once a week I check my spam folder (there's usually only 5-8 spam messages there), and there were 56 spam message, all from the last 3 days (back to when we had the messed up sign in on H's phone). I didn't open any of the messages, but they were ALL porn and sex hook-up related. H likes porn, I've always known this. I hate it. He knows that. But I realized, he's still in that dark place. And I'm pretty positive he's not just seeing OW, he's probably out looking for quick sex. It would explain ALL the other texts and pictures back and forth I saw on the phone bill, to numbers I don't recognize (I know most of his friend's numbers). H is an extreme porn addict. He's stuck in his addiction right now. It has nothing to do with me.

H said in his reply to me this morning that we would talk later, he needed to go to bed (working 12 hour night shifts right now). Usually when he says that, he gets back to me when he says he will, even during all this crappy stuff. But I haven't heard from him at all.

When step-D came up, she mentioned to me in private (she's not his bio daughter either, she is actually my step-s24's half sister, they share a mom, H is step-s24's dad, but he also calls me mom, I raised him and his sister as my own). She mentioned she was pissed at H, as he's doing to the kids what her bio dad did to her, and H used to say that step-d's bio dad was not a real man for that. I told her she needs to tell him how she feels, when she's ready. She's getting ready.

So I will be ok. GAL, detach (again), 180. H will figure out that the path he is on is empty.