I didn't realize how long it's been since I've posted on my thread.
Not too much going on that's not beating a dead horse except for the last month or so XW has been showing me passive aggressive behavior and anger again. It's very frustrating but I think I've been doing a good job not playing into it and letting her be. She's apologized a couple times but largely ignores it. I think I'm to that point where I really don't care, in a good way. D's bday, my bday, and/or Easter seem to have all been triggers. I'm not putting much energy into thinking about it other than recognizing it (mostly redirected anger), but it can be very difficult to deal with the crazy. She's also accused me of patronizing her for thanking her for doing things, so I'm not validating too much. Now that I'm thinking about this I could write a page or two about the anger and crazy lately. I've called her out on a couple passive aggressive things and she's backtracked. She also seems to get nice after being angry.
I keep my contact minimal, as much as necessary but as little as possible, and I've noticed after couple weeks or so xw will make contact about something, text, or a friendly visit. I've also noticed her moods are varying a lot and can change in a heartbeat once again. I try to just let her be.
One thing that troubled me was this weekend S told me she gave him gluten pizza. He told her he told me so she apologized and told me they messed up her order and he was having a meltdown and she didn't know what to do. IDK if I can believe her or not, I know I can't trust her. I mentioned she did this once last fall. S told me she doesn't let him have it. I told her thank you for letting me know and we talked a little about it.
Strangely, yesterday I got a call from the school and S was very upset about not having anything gluten free available in the cafeteria as there is usually a sandwich station he can use if he needs to. I was nearby so I ran something over but the principal told me it wasn't listed on the cafeteria forms and he has been eating things with gluten and that they offer alternatives. I explained it was a behavior issue and I figure it got overlooked as when we signed him up and go over his plan we told them it wasn't an allergy to not cause alarm if he accidentally had any. She put it on his chart and it was sorted. I also let s know it was okay and he wasn't in trouble and I wasn't mad but that he needed to follow the rules. From his view how does he know it's not okay if mom lets him do it sometimes?
I didn't say anything to xw until last night when I talked to the kids. She freaked out, mad at me and mad at the school. I didn't handle it right because I waited until the evening to tell her and I didn't get mad, lol. She said she was going in there today. I'm glad it's not my circus. I tried to be rational but she wouldn't have it so again I let her be. she's told me of her mom going into school when she was a kid, now she's doing the same thing but can't see it and she's mad at the school for the doing nearly the same thing she did.
I also got a letter from the school that the kids have 15 tardies this year. These are all when they are with xw.
I hope getting this straightened out will help with some of s's behavior. Sometimes we struggle and he goes from 0-100 in a snap but most of the time he's a great kid. I've been working with him a lot on controlling himself, I think we had a small breakthrough this week when I made him write an apology letter to the daycare supervisor and own up to his behavior.
I've been doing well but still struggling with gal'ing. Hopefully the spring weather will help but it seems like I'm out of town for work or have the kids and am running crazy. I'm feeling more detached than ever but still have those days (not many) when I miss her. But more often than not her presence is a reminder she is a different person.
I found a psych podcast for students/professionals that I've found very useful and have been enjoying. In particular, I found the episodes on defense mechanisms and borderline personality disorder helpful. I also picked up on two questions which I find useful. Does my response distort reality? And, Does my response distort my feelings?
I was cleaning up my phone notes and found a list of goals I made a couple years ago, in a much worse place. I accomplished all of the things I had listed and although not all of it was as I pictured it was a reminder on how far I've come, in fact a had a little laugh reading some of it.
I hope you are all doing well. I haven't been posting much but follow along somewhat regularly still. Take care everyone!
