No more denial, time to get to work

[MRay]

I agree with your analysis of the friendship. I don't just want to be her friend, and will not be happy with that. I have made that clear to her. I have said I just want our interactions to be real and authentic, whatever they are. A big problem has been her faking her way through the relationship, so I am very big on calling her out when she is being fake. I don't want her if it's not real.

I'll have to think about what I'm going to do to stop over-analyzing and dwelling on the bad stuff. I just started thinking about this, so I'll have to come up with some concrete ideas. And you're right about me not wanting to imagine a life without her. I've spend my entire adult life picturing what our lives would be like together. We are just getting to a point where our kids are in school and potty-trained (no more diapers!), we are financially stable, we have our careers set, and we could finally start focusing on us again. So it's hard to start imagining a new life when the old one was just getting to what was supposed to be a good part. And yes, I am afraid.

I'm not sure about the denial thing. I really don't think they are talking to each other. I trust my instincts, but denial is denial so I wouldn't really know. They do see each other on campus, that's not avoidable, so I know the feelings surge every time that happens.

I know it will take time. She's been in IC for 2 months now going every other week, and she needs a lot of work (my opinion, her opinion, and IC's opinion). I have thought about finding an IC for myself as well. I'll probably start looking later today.

Thank you for your thoughts. I greatly appreciate them. I have no friends that have been through this, and don't have anybody to discuss this with as I want to keep the path back as easy as possible. Your input is not falling on deaf ears (eyes).