Former WH, now LBS Please Help, close to Give Up

[betheoa]

Hi there, i finish my work day.

Thing at work were hard, i did my best...
Now i have 60 min travel, i did not drive so i have time to vent ...
during the day i have several panic filings, about WW went from where she is to full blown PA, or do many things just to show me how much stubborn she is (she is capable to do this), i fight this panic with, thoughts how i am living by my self and/or with other no face woman (imagine good relationship with not particular woman).
So today instead of go home after work, i am going to take exercise to marital-art (normally we going with the hole family WW and kids, but today i will go by my self, just to decrease my presents at home.

The yesterday event , chat with OM in front of me (when some days ago we had discussion about i am living after 3 months because of their contact WTF).

I just vent, i know why she was behaving like this, i have red a lot....

I relay do not remember what does mean good healthy relationship with woman. In the past i had a lot of issue, i found them 5-6 years ago when i went out of my WH fog and year later confess to WW about my infidelity(she was manipulating me hard over 1-2 months to confess, without any proofs), the i start changing my self for good, but with not proven sores, and take advise from here and there (not from this forum), i have become More nice guy then ever, so i lost my wife respect even more after lousing her trust. The things went in right direction after i found Red Pill forum, i start doing Alpha things but without support to keep doing i went back to passive living my life, give everything possible to the family (bu mostly focused of my wife), and ask nothing in return (but expect a lot of things Such a nice Guy ha!

Finally, after many wrong moves last 2-3 years, i found this site, and start reading .....a lot of reading, i have done some of the advice, but then i backed slide because i was not sure, if it was MLC or something else, also i was wearing a lot of gilt about my infidelity - so this prevent me of doing what will work...i did mostly what will not work.

The i stuck to Sandi WW definition, it is took me 6 moths or more to, have courage to write, why so long? because i know if someone stuck to me to support me i have to do wright things, because i will not waist someone time/wiling to support me, and me trying to make excuses...

Now if nothing more, i have more self confident that I will be better in future, does not mater how the things will going between Me and WW. Now i know better what is needed for good R to exist like a Man and Husband, of course i know what to ask from the woman next to me.

Huh right on my way to exercise WW call me to as where i am, i as on my way to exercise, she try to keep me to the phone, could i will go on my way back to home to bye some things, i said OK and said buy, she wished me nice exercise and start telling me about other thing related to her and kids exercise (keep me to phone), i just said fine, buy.

Today i staid longer on exercise, she called me on may way back to home, and ask if it is OK to talk (like may be i am someone :)), i said speak, then she ask me to buy something more from the shop, said OK and buy.
It is always like this, when she know that mess the things up, she become nice, if i take my guard down she become nasty ....uffff i am tired from this games, if i was fully detached it will be a lot of fun, but now it is not funny at all.

Here i am sarcastic to my self

So i am going to my home, and will be the best possible BeTheOak for the rest of the evening, tomorrow we will see, i will be other day.......but my plane is clear, 3 months to my next step in my (Soup Opera).

By the way, to day i did 2 hours high intensive exercise in marital-art, and yes the chemicals after exercise bring my confident .

Will write soon