Can I really do this?

[Dtrmned]

Dear Sandi,
So here is an expansion on my personal goals.

Getting healthier.

Working out (lost 15 lbs. so far and if I might say so looking fairly good as I was not overweight but now at 6' 175lbs. ). I am using the working out part also as therapy to deal with the issues that are both real and imagined in my mind. Instead of self medicating (never did that to extreme, but for a few months a drink here or there was easier to escape). So if I am anxious or anxiety arises, get my running shoes and get out and burn it out.

Eating healthier. Better diet everyday. Not perfect, but I feel much cleaner due to this with both energy and just self-esteem.

Working on just being positive within myself. I admittedly looked at the world very negatively when we lost everything. Prior to that, I was one of the most positive and optimistic people you would meet. Changing my overall worldview not to exactly what it was, but to where I want to be.

Concentrating on my future professionally. Current job is going well even through all of this. Some days it is very hard to concentrate and be productive when your focus is on your marriage/family falling apart. I am conciously (other than reading or posting on this board) making sure I am focused more on improving both my current career and researching how I am going to add another company or 2 to the pipeline. This is for me, my kids and our future. This is NOT a way to "bribe" my wife back into our M.

Working way more on GAL. I am finding this difficult in a few ways. My kids need me there so there is that. We are very challenged presently on the discretionary income (hence the in house separation) so it is quite difficult to justify "going out". Definitely working on it and this challenge. Looking for better ways that don't cost anything or are more affordable.

Since I mentioned the in house separation, I agree with you wholeheartedly that this could come to a HUGE attempt to cake eat and drag it out. Although she could, and may, at present she does not do anything social or go out due to her medical issues. If we could afford it, I would welcome it as I believe it would give her the opportunity to come up with how differently the world works. I know it may be awesome and better for her, and if that happens, let her go and be happy.

Any suggestions how to deal with this better would be great. I think she is going to start looking for a job so I think that is going to be a big eye opener as well.

Again, more focusing on myself, the goals I mentioned above and how I can just feel better about myself. IF this causes any change in her, then so be it. If it doesn't, then I have accomplished feeling better, cleaner, healthier and am just a better me.