Wow, Gordie. I understand why you are conflicted. I’m glad others are chiming in with good advice because I would feel like you do. Giving you the phone password and saying ILY are things that would begin to break down my walls too.
When I had an unexpectedly good conversation with my wife recently I accepted it too easy and she slid backwards. I now see it as a good sign that when she has moments of clarity, it is our marriage and family that seem important to her. Having said that, it is too hard on me emotionally to let my guard down every time she has a moment of clarity. I think that if you let your guard down too early, it will be much harder to get back to where you are now. Where you are in this is just as important as where she is. Don’t forget to consider yourself in this thing.
I understand not wanting to push her away when it seems she is drawing nearer. I also understand wanting to make sure you aren’t expecting a specific behavior if it might actually look a little different coming from your W. The thing is, you are still trying to bend yourself backwards to try and accept her. I think it is her that needs to do that for you. When I was too quick to accept the convo with my W, I realized in retrospect that she said things in that convo that were signs she wasn’t ready and I overlooked them because of the things she said that I did want to hear. Having said that, although your W is showing you signs that you like, is there anything you might be overlooking because of that?
All this thinking/anylizing is going to drive us crazy. Try to take a break from it if you can. She is making moves in the right direction, and if you let her, she might keep moving in that direction. That doesn’t mean you should be cold to her. You love your W or you wouldn’t still be here. She knows that. So, accept her positive signs as just that...positive signs. Not signs of her being out of the woods, just signs that she is moving in that direction.
