I've decided that for now, DBing isn't the best choice for me (Staci's rules in particular).

After a few days, my husband asked "what are these new techniques you are using?" I denied it... but he said that it was weird, that it made him not want to try, that it felt like I was giving up on him, that it was awkward... and that I should just be myself.

He told me that the wording he prefers to use is a "break" instead of a "separation." He's still moving out on Friday, but we are planning to hang out every Saturday, at least one dinner during the week, and probably other times as possible for walking the dog together, etc. He says that things have gone great the past few weeks and he feels much better about us... but isn't sure how much of that is because he is looking forward to the break. He has thought about not leaving many times over the past few days but doesn't want us to be in the same place in six months and needs the space for clarity.

So. We say "I love you" all the time to each other. We both initiate hugs. I even gave him advice with furniture for his new place and went shopping with him (though mainly so he doesn't waste money for when we do move back in together). Those are huge no-no's with the DB community. I still "pursue" (though not as much).

We've communicated about all kinds of things (no-nos!) -- and we feel better about it. He's said things like "we needed to have conversations earlier in our marriage about how we feel loved, how to show love, what makes us feel unloved." He is more open to things like learning about love languages. He says he will try not just MC but IC as well as long as we can find him the right person.

He has realized that if he expresses frustration with something, rather than it causing massive drama and a big fight or me freaking out and making him feel bad by crying... that it actually can lead to productive changes. He sees me responding to him, encouraging him to share, encouraging him to be honest. He sees me validating his emotions and catering to his love language.

The big issue is still sexual in nature (he said the other day that if it weren't for that, he'd be convinced we could stay together). I'm not sure how we can fix that.

So -- I am taking what works for DBing for us right now (validation; detachment; 180s). I am leaving some of the others for the time being (Staci's rules) because it didn't work for us when I tried and seemed to push him away. It's a journey. If needed in the future, I'll come back and try them more. But right now, I'm going with intuition and experimentation.