Husband gone for second time - 3

[SteveLW]

Steve, I feel it's optimistic to think my husband feels guilty but maybe he does. Maybe just regarding our daughter. He's probably trying to rationalize it by saying to himself that I was a bad wife, that I didn't give him the freedom he wanted, punished him too much, etc.. and he's angry at me. There's been no indication he's interested in reconciling but for almost a month we had been getting along well, laughing together, and talking normally. I was happy about that because it gives our daughter a better sense of security when she see's her parents getting along. It helps me too because I felt more at ease.

For my W and I this is how we started moving toward R. I think I've mentioned that in February we went to a marriage retreat. I also mentioned that at the retreat, at lunch on the last day, she rebelled against what she was hearing (and I think feeling too). And that was that marriage is a commitment for life. Messages similar to marrige is being married to the right person, it is doing right by the person you married. Etc.

At lunch that day she made a comment about me chatting with a woman online. I wasn't, and she said it flippantly. And then when I just shook my head and smiled, she came back with "It would be OK if you were." This set me off and the rest of the lunch was tense and we discussed our MR. She was still feeling the tug of wanting out but she was also feeling that not only should she say, but also that she was starting to want to stay.

We went back to the retreat, and I could feel the tension. But during one of the presentations I reached over and took her hand. Then later I put my arm around her. She put her hand on my knee. That night we went out for dinner and had a great time. She was affectionate (laying her head on my shoulder as we waited for a table), holding my hand, etc.

The next day we left to come home, and we had a great time on the 8 hour drive (other than discovering someone had broken into our trunk and stole thousands of dollars in camera equipment (she is a photographer)). We laughed, we joked, we sang to songs. She played newer songs that she liked for me. It was fun, light, free of MR talk, and just really a great time. We continued this after we got home. In fact, in our next MC session she told the counselor that as we had fun together and laughed and had fun conversation that she was moving towards wanting to stay in the MR.

I really believe it started with the fun, frivolous conversation, and reconnecting on a level that you do when you are first dating. Again, I don't know your H or his thinking, but based on your saying you were enjoying each other's company, and then your D's question and his reaction, it seems like he is rebelling against feelings of wanting to work on the MR.