Steve, I feel it's optimistic to think my husband feels guilty but maybe he does. Maybe just regarding our daughter. He's probably trying to rationalize it by saying to himself that I was a bad wife, that I didn't give him the freedom he wanted, punished him too much, etc.. and he's angry at me. There's been no indication he's interested in reconciling but for almost a month we had been getting along well, laughing together, and talking normally. I was happy about that because it gives our daughter a better sense of security when she see's her parents getting along. It helps me too because I felt more at ease.
Jim, yeah, my husband can no longer get a free pass. I still think we're probably more of a burden and annoyance to my husband but perhaps his life also isn't the fantasy he thought it'd be living alone in our dream house and having a 26 year old carefree girlfriend with whom to party without any commitment. He must be getting a little taste of reality. I think it'll be a while until he actually moves near us. It's better in a logistical sense to have him near our daughter but not better for me. The only consolation is the city where we're going is kind of my territory, where I have a large network of very respected and senior friends from my husband's country. There's little chance he can get a new job there without interacting with them. They all helped him and gave him recommendations in the past. I won't give them all the details about what happened, but I'll be honest in telling them it was my husband's decision to leave. That will look bad for him. It's a very bad thing in their culture to abandon your wife and kids even if you help financially. So hopefully I have the upper hand in where we're going. At the same time I want my husband to be successful because I want our daughter to have the best father possible. I want to have a good relationship with him even if we're divorced because that's what's best for our daughter. And if he ever wishes to reconcile, which is something I can't really imagine, this time he'll have to do the hard work and get professional help and it'll take a long time before we could try again. I'd love that, but I know if I let him come back easily the same thing will happen again.
It would be easier in a way to write off my husband and just never deal with him again, but we have a beautiful innocent child and I have to try to figure out the best way for us to get through this.
