After another night of incessant texting, and doing a lot of thinking and reading here, I decided to confront her about it last night. If there is some sort of EA and it's directly related to this whole mess, I decided that's a boundary for me and there is no reason I should just sit around watching it happen and wondering.
I understand your intent. But confronting is a dangerous choice. If you go in like a wet noodle, like you did, then it doesnt really do...anything.
Originally Posted By: 44tries
I was calm, respectful, and direct. I simply said, "I've noticed you've been texting a lot lately; is there someone that's more than just a friend?" She said, "Nope, just talking to friends." I said, "Okay I believe you. Not accusing you at all. But it would hurt me a lot more later on to find out you weren't honest with me, so I had to ask." Again, she affirmed it was just friends and that was that.
For example, you say this is a 'boundary for you', but what does that even mean? From what I see, you didnt actually state any boundaries. I dont see where you said what you will or wont accept. I dont see where you stated what your recourse is. All you did was, I guess, try to guilt her into something? Ive been there and done exactly the same thing, so Im not judging you.
Question - if she were having an EA, would she tell you? Question 2 - do you think she cares how you feel about it?
You already know that whatever interaction she is having right now is inappropriate. You dont walk out of a movie several times to go text your friends. NOBODY is that attached to just random friends. So what was the new value in having this conversation?
To me, all it did was reinforce that you arent going to give her space while living together. How can you start to actually give her the space she is asking for?
Originally Posted By: 44tries
She told me she was taking my car. Hers is leaking oil and "probably has none left". All of the sudden, she's decided it's undriveable. Remember, I told her about this problem last week and put more in for her. She said if it continued to leak she would take it in. Now, it seems to be my problem rather than hers. I said, well now I can't go to the gym. She blew up and said well then you tell me a solution right now because I have to go to work. I told her just go, she slammed the door and was gone.
So you told her about the problem, she did nothing, and now you are taking this on as your own? You really have to read Sandi's threads because now is a time when you need to exhibit incredible strength. She is going to push you as much as she can and if you show up as a noodly man like this, how can you ever gain back her respect? If she knows she can walk all over you, then why would anything ever change?
