Your w isn't ready to return to the real world. She's in replay and will be for quite some time. She's not dealt w/her issues and the more she focuses on you and your actions, the less time she has to deal w/her issues.
MLC takes a lot of time. A couple of years is nothing when it comes to looking at the entire process and how much time it takes for them to face their issues/demons and find a way to accept the things that they can't change and heal. Her facing of demons/issues has been bubbling under the surface for many, many years and it didn't just spew out of the pot in 2016.
The only way that you are going to get thru this is to back off, leave her alone and keep your expectations at zero. You are expecting her to react one way and she's reacting in a different way when it comes to things. Try to remember that the less pressure you put on her, the more time she has to face those issues/demons. Putting pressure on her is going to: 1) prolong her journey and 2) push her further away from you.
Dig deeper for patience, and I do mean dig deeper for patience. Keep the focus on you and your family and find things to occupy your mind, body and soul. You didn't break her, therefore you can't fix her. There is an old saying I use from time to time and I want to post it to you today "a watched pot never boils". Stop looking for signs that she's coming out of her crisis...she's got a ways to go.
Gordie...take care of you and allow the man upstairs to take care of her.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
