No affair, no feelings...is there hope?

[Olya]

You only messed up if you think that you can get over her having an emotional affair. If not, then this is your boundary and it is only fair that she knows about it before she crosses it.

If she continues to act this way, just remain calm. If you feel you need to check her attitude, do it calmly and with dignity. The most satisfaction you can give an Ogre is to take the bait because now you're on morally equal ground and the Ogre has no reason to feel shame for her behavior. Or, better yet, will tell you that you are the insane one, you are the irrational one - this is why she cannot live with you. Do not take the bait.