Help evaluating LRT progress

[Olya]

From what you wrote I think your H, wasnt the most popular or maybe got bullied some growing up. (I might be wrong).

No, you are spot on. He was kind of a loner in school.

Now he has joined the Army and he has flirted with leadership and it has went to his head a bit.

I suppose that might be the cause behind him telling me that he has decided that he will no longer do anything he does not want to do.

But you are a strong woman, seems to me that you have a natural leadership trait and your H doesnt and hes taking some of what he lacks out on you. The only person he knows that will put up with his Sh!t.

I don't think he sees me as strong anything. He has always been the one person I come crying to, tell my hurts to, tell my insecurities to. He sees that as a sign of my weakness. The week before he asked for a divorce, he called me a dejected crybaby. I had a kidney infection and was freaking out about everything and cried a lot.

The day he asked for a divorce, he told me that I am only holding on to him because I'm scared of being on my own without him.

You cook for him, drive back and forth hours to see him, you are going to law school while carrying a 3.7 GPA, you held him while he cried, you motivated him to pass his PT test after he failed his initial one in OCS and thought he couldn't do it. Only a woman with strength and great character can pull that off. Only a woman that truly loves her man can pull that off.

I'm not without faults either. I can be demanding and overbearing. There were a couple of times when I had to yell at him to snap out of it because comforting him was not working and time for him to come to his senses was precious short. I don't think he has forgiven me for that.

Also, when he decided to try again this past fall, I was probably too demanding of him. He was making baby steps and I wanted more than that. I also wanted a sincere apology from him for everything he had put me through - he had said some nasty things to me last spring when he first brought up divorce. He told me that he was not going to prostrate himself before me over what he said. That just made me angry.

The nail in the coffin for him was me asking again and again that he keep in contact with me during the week when I'm not at home.

He's being somebody he's not. Or at least trying to be. He's not being real with who he is as a man and person. So your H has a conflict with himself and not you. Until he learns to be honest with himself and be happy with the man he is and stop trying to prove himself to people that could care less about him like his friend. He will be in conflict with himself. It's nothing you can do for him, while he is going thru this but support and remind him he is an awesome man just the way he is.

He views his old self - a vulnerable, kind, open person - as a liability. He believes that he is happier and better off being as he is right now.