So, next time you see him angry or blaming you for his unhappiness, remember this. He is trying to cope with his internal "demons" by utilizing defense mechanisms to protect his own self-image; to keep him safe from the rawness of the true feelings or the possible shattering of the self-image. This is the reason why most people turn the image of their spouse completely around after the BD happens. Before, they could love this person for years; after, the spouse is a monster who deserves a bad life.
I think I know that... and this is my problem. I love him and I feel awful for him. He is emotionally crippled and he does not see it. I want to be there for him, but he won't let me. I know that no matter what happens, I will be fine. I'm not so sure about him.
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The sad part? Projection happens quite often as seen in this board. People expect spouses to bring the happiness when in fact true happiness is gained by consistent growth of oneself.
He hasn't grown. He shrunk. He used to read, watch documentaries, go to museums, go to concerts, hike, play video games, play D&D, experiment with awful baking recipes, etc. Now all he's interested in is gym, beer, phone games, texting with his buddies, YouTube videos, and comic books. He didn't substitute these interests for his old ones - his old set included both.
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I read your story through and as a word of encouragement, you seem to be a really strong person. Whether this goes as you currently want it or not, you will learn a lot from this and will eventually find your place with or without him. I admire your strength in studying considering the factors you have in your life currently. Remember, baby steps and it takes time - a lot more than you think. Good luck for the future
Thank you. I really appreciate it.
Me: 28 H: 30 T: 9 M: 7
WAH: First half of 2017. Round 2 started in Spring 2018.
