I was tense because it's been weeks since I have been around my kids, let alone solo for the weekend camping in the rain. Being with them reminds me of their mother, whom I miss terribly. I had to bottle those emotions and get.through all of that with a smile and provide love and confidence as a father.
The outbursts are done. I was fighting her decision. Now I simply fight my own feelings of loss and anxiety.
I will continue to take steps to be an equal part of my kids lives and do the right thing by them.
If I protect myself, it would be to file first and set the tone for all potential issues. One is child custody. Two is selling the house or she must refinance on her own credit and income.
I don't have an adequate home yet, I am applying for a home to rent today, but I won't be moving in until May 15th. This complicates overnight stays and getting the kids more frequently.
My behavior stems from insecurity and immaturity, lack of understanding of what real love looks like. My own parents divorce and emotional abuse to eachother and to me. I handle my emotions dysfunctionally, even though my coping mechanisms and my own discipline have led me from literal poverty to some career and professional success.
