If I recall your H knows you now know of his A, correct? So he has essentially left his W and family for an A? And you are okay with going on dates with him and allowing him to kiss you? Has your H actually ended his A and demonstrated proof? Is he remorseful of what he has put you through? Do you not deserve that much from a man you have committed your life to?
I understand wanting to keep interactions positive, but that is not what I see happening here. I don't see how your H is a MNG (Mister Nice Guy) but Meg, I see you as the Nice Gal. You are letting him walk all over you and cake eat. You see once the Wayward gets caught cheating, they now have to work harder to keep their S as plan B. You are allowing that! Once he discovered you knew about his A, that was the time to drop the rope and go dark! Now he knows he can continue his behavior and you are right there waiting for him and any "crumbs" he will throw. He has no reason to end his A and change. (and FYI I made this same mistake for a shorty while when my H left by allowing family dinners and time at our house with the kids together)
I think you deserve better than this. It makes me sad for you. As I keep saying again and again, we teach others how to treat us. You are letting your H know that he can lie, cheat, and abandon his family, and still go on dates with you, flirt, kiss, etc. I'm surprised the other posters are not saying anything. If you were a male poster, and your W the wayward, we would be jumping all over him and telling you that you were being a doormat to grow a pair. I'm struggling to see the difference here, other than gender.
I genuinely feel sorry for you Meg. I think you deserve better than "bread crumbs." I personally just see it all as more manipulation and him keeping you as plan B. And you are happy to dress up for the occasion and take it.
Sorry for the 2*4. But if we can't be honest, I just don't see how we can help one another here. If I were in your shoes (and I was) I would not let me H have any cake (not a crumb) until he ended his A, showed me proof, and showed complete remorse. That's what I believe I deserve. And when I DID get to that point, I saw the changes in his behavior. When my H realized he was going to actually lose me, that is when he realized he needed to change.
In the mean time you can still continue to keep things positive and pleasant, detach, 180, and GAL for you and your self esteem. I think you could use a giant boost in self esteem.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
