I know, crazy isn't it? Lol. I actually live in one of the most conservative parts of California. Anywhere else in the state it's probably hard to find.
Originally Posted By: Steve85
Ok, interesting Meg. Do you think any of this was manipulative or do you think maybe this is coming from a place of genuineness? I know early on in my sitch my wife was giving me breadcrumbs hoping it would prevent me from spying and snooping. She knew she could never prevent me from finding things if I wanted to (she never has been in the past, if I really want to know something she knows I will find out a way).
However, more recently the "breadcrumbs" have come from a place of genuineness. It is funny, but usually your gut feeling about this kind of behavior is correct. If it feels like manipulation, it probably is.
It doesn't feel manipulative at all. My gut/heart tells me it's genuine, but my head tells me don't look to deep into it. Just keep doing what I'm doing.
I did forget to mention another 180 I'm sure he's noticed. For the longest time I "let myself go", stopped taking pride in my appearance. The last several times H and I have had interactions, no matter what the situation, I've made sure to have my hair and makeup done, and more than just sweats/jean and tshirt on. Like yesterday, in the past when we go to the gun range I'd just wear old jeans, sneakers, t-shirt and no makeup with hair in ponytail. Yesterday I had dressed nice with hair and makeup done before he picked me up.
we go to a gun range in the Central Valley... as for you H being genuine... that could be the case... i think you are reluctant to accept it because it has to be more than that... he can't just "nice his way back in." this is where many LBSs miss the mark... they let their WW spouses back in without doing the hard work... if he is being genuine, he is likely hoping/assuming he could just sweep his affair under the rug... and you could let him do that... but you will be back here again, eventually... i feel for you, because i would not want to hold my H's feet to the fire if i were married to your H... it is going to take guts because he doesn't seem like he would be up for the task... but that is not fair of me to make that assumption... he needs to be given the opportunity... and it is something that needs to be addressed...
keep up with keeping up with your appearance... men are visual... this is something you can do for the both of you... this is a quote from the tv show, Seinfeld... Jerry says this to George when George suddenly began wearing sweats every day:
“You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.”
silly, but a good observation...
So continue to put effort into your appearance for YOU as well as your H... btw, has he kept up with his appearance? if not, maybe you can help him by buying him new stylish clothes, shoes... toiletries...
Keep sharing, meg24... you have a lot of friends here...
