Unfortunately I have to admit that I did wait to have that conversation and it was more than 5 minutes, although I am sure I am over analyzing. Not overanalyzing the scope of a normal relationship, but overanalyzing as it pertains to MLC behavior. I brought it up in the evening, but we didn't discuss till morning. I think if I were doing a 180 on it I wouldn't have brought it up at all as it probably doesn't matter much right now. I think I am getting caught up in the distance/pursuit game, but not realizing it till after.
When W and I had the conversation where she told me she had been thinking about things and realized her behavior (and all the stuff I mentioned before), I felt then that we had turned a bit of a corner. She explained she wanted more openness between us and not to walk on eggshells around each other and not to sweep things under the rug. Things were good for a week or so, but then when I had something that was bothering me I felt compelled to say something about it (not in an angry way, just bring it up), but I think that was probably a bad decision in retrospect.
The last few days have been hard because although she hasn't been monstering at me, she is a bit distant again. Not totally gone, but its obvious that she is still trying to decide whether we should be trying to work on things or go ahead and split. She told me that she wanted to work on things but that she thought that maybe we were just in a lull in our relationship, but that she didn't want to keep hurting me like this.
Now I am thinking that I was maybe starting to get a handle on dropping the rope (not completely but getting close with effort), but then got sucked back in with a conversation initiated by her that was different than what we have had up to now.
After thinking for a little bit that maybe we were on the upswing, its hard to go back to realizing that we weren't and that I let myself get sucked in to the distance/pursuit game despite knowing that's how it works. I wish I didn't love her so much, but at tis point I don't even know why I still do. She has told me that I am a good father, a good man, and a good husband and that it isn't anything about me...its her. She isn't even outright blaming me for anything. Just being true to her "feelings".
Now I'm back trying to get a handle on detaching and living with a W that says she wants things to work but just isn't feeling it. I DO NOT want to leave my home because of how she feels, but I'm just not sure how to keep living with her without getting caught up in her emotional turmoil. It seems like things could get better if we spent some time apart, but I won't leave my kids and she doesn't show signs of leaving either.
