Can I really do this?

[Dtrmned]

Post Weekend update...

Weekend went off very "normally". No confrontations or issues, kind of casual. Weather was bad Friday so stayed home. Kept busy around the house, worked out, etc. Saturday, one of my kids were sick so we didn't go anywhere. Wife and daughter headed out shopping in the afternoon. I took the opportunity to clean a little and again, workout to keep busy.

On Sunday, my wife brought up that we were supposed to discuss boundaries and financial issues. I said sure, whenever you would like. She gave me and my son a haircut, I went for a walk, took a shower and we sat down and began our discussion.

Interestingly enough, she had no clue on what boundaries she wanted. She stated that she just felt that we were getting into too comfortable of a routine and if we were separating and moving towards a divorce, that she thought that was unwise. Asked why she felt that way, and she responded that "if we keep acting like everything is calm, not fighting, comfortable with each other and all of that, that she would start leaning back in and she doesn't want to do that". Acknowledged her feelings and asked what I could do to respect her decision and her wishes. These are all that she asked for:
1. To call her by her name instead of affectionate names like baby, sweetheart, etc.
2. To stop giving her a peck on the cheek when I leave and when I get home from work.
That was pretty much it.
3. To respect the other's privacy when they were in the shower, etc.
Asked what else she would like, and she had no clue. We discussed the moving to separate bedrooms. She said she is comfortable with us sleeping in the same bed and at present that was fine with her. I agreed on that point.
She did acknowledge and comment that she loved the progress I was making, that I looked better, acted better and seemed more like my old self as of late. Unfortunately she added she was still waiting for the other shoe to drop and me get angry (Not going to happen any more) and that she felt it was too little too late. Again, I acknowledged and commented that I was just working on me. That I was over my anger from the past issues (our financial crisis), and that regardless of how her and I ended up, that I needed to be who I am and be happy.

Then came the financial discussion. I have been asking her for a number, what she wants, etc. I asked, she said "I don't know". Asked again and she said that it really didn't matter since she couldn't move out anyway. Again, our financial situation is that there is really no spare money out there. She mentioned that I felt she is going to fail on her own. I believe it is going to be VERY difficult for her, but I refrained from that and told her truly how I felt. That she will be fine. She will find a way. She is smart and intelligent person and always resourceful in how she approached life. I do believe this with the reservation that she has not worked in 15 years, has zero practiced skills, and very debilitating health issues. We discussed some of her professional job options and how difficult it is going to be for either of us to work and manage our kids lives at the same time. Her point is "people do it all the time". YES, they do. I've seen it. My sisters all went through it. Regardless if the other parent is involved or not it changed your life drastically. She mentioned that she felt she could probably manage a job 18-20 hours a week. Doing what? Making what? How can you survive on a part time job? (said these to myself and was very supportive to her). We did not argue or anything else. We discussed our budget and how things are just way too tight. Since she filed (and then withdrew) in February, she established her own bank account. When she filed, I moved my paycheck (just for protection) over to a separate account as well. She mentioned that she didn't like that (I'm sure), and I just said that I needed to make sure that the rent and all the other bills were paid. I showed her my paychecks so she knows I am truthful with what I am saying to her (of course we both have trust issues with each other at this time). Again, I asked for her to give me a number so we can start discussing IF amicable divorce was possible. I believe that when she filed in February and withdrew that her attorney charged her a bunch of money, so when we were discussing that if we have to go the attorney route, pretty much all of our assets were going to be utilized and the earth between us would be scorched. Spoke a little about positive attitudes and moving forward and how the attorney route is just going to prolong it for a year or two, cost us everything financially again, and just put us both into a HUGE bad place all over again. We kind of left it where she is going to think of a number and we are going to revisit in a couple of weeks. In the meantime, I will make sure the bills are paid.

Finished the conversation by writing down our agreed upon boundaries, which were pretty much nothing.

1. No pet names
2. No pecks on the cheek
3. Respect when the other is changing or in the shower in our bedroom.
4. No dating or other relationship (physical or otherwise) while we are still married.
5. No one over to our home while we are still married.

She and I have no issues with any of these.

After the convo I went to the grocery for supplies for the week. Over the next couple of hours we just had a few comments to one another. When I spoke to her quickly in response to something, it just as a matter of affection and habit that it was followed with "sure sweetheart" or "yea baby", etc. She actually laughed at this and thought it was funny. I apologized, said I wanted to respect her desire and I did hear her. Later last evening she said that she just wanted to scratch that one off the list.

Interesting to me. Just looking for some feedback on where to go. We did have during our conversation, a brief reflection on our future and how I would happily work things out, but realize her decision, respect it and am working on my (and our kid's) future. It seems like things are working, but it is definitely going to take some MAJOR time, life reflection and I'm thinking a couple of realizations in life.

So what do you think I should do now?

Besides keep working on myself, GAL, staying a little dark (hard to go totally dark when we have kids and are in the same house) and giving her the space she needs right now, what else should I be doing?

I still believe that my wife is a little on the unsure side with the financial part. She doesn't know the cost of things and believes that I should still be responsible for her pretty much forever.

In our conversation she stated "I sacrificed to stay at home with the kids for 15 years". I simply pointed out to her that definitely was not our plan. In 2009 she went back and graduated from Esthetician school and was headed back to work when her first major health issue arrived. I didn't blame her at all, just pointed out that the intention from all of our perspectives was that she was headed back to work 8 years ago. No one could have seen her health issues and we (I) paid for her school gladly so she could go and do what she wanted to do and be productive, independent and fun. We went through health hell, financial hell that caused relationship/marriage hell for a LONG time. Pointed out how I KNOW she can make it again, that I will be ok as well, and that if at present at any time she decided to work and refocus on our marriage, that at present I am willing to do that. Let that go very quickly and almost regretted saying it. (go ahead and give me some bad comments on that one!)

Later that evening she seemed a little more upbeat that usual. Asked about her mood change, and she stated that even though our talk was stressful, that she felt good about it and that we were able to communicate.

Got up this morning, go ready to work, headed out and didn't peck her on the cheek, told her by her name to have a good day and left.

VERY new into this (about a month and was gone for a week) so she is very hesitant on this being the "real" me.

So again my question:
Besides doing what I am already doing is there anything else I need to do other than just sitting back and letting her have her space and contemplate?

Thanks again. Weird to actually have a conversation (not an argument) with my wife. I am not reading anything into it (don't believe anything they say and half of what they do thing).

Looking forward to hearing and thanks again for being there.