Sorry it's been such a long time. And thank you 25yearsmlc, meg24 and artista for your responses and words of wisdom. I read them immediately, but I've just been delaying a reply to see how things are going.
I feel like I'm almost in a twilight zone. One day everything seems fine, and the next it's like a light switch has been changed.
Since my last post he's seemingly kept up his changed terms.. however he shows no effort for finding another job. I haven't heard or seen any messages from the OW or any issues.. But I'm not sure if thats because he's gotten smarter about how he's doing things, or if he really is stepping back.
He has shown a lot more effort in spending time with me, during work as well. We also had a nice quick 4 day vacation to the Caribbean.
My anxiety is still there.. but I think that as long as I question his intentions it will still be there.
For the days where I say it's like a light switch... While things are going well, he'll say something random to upset me. On vacation he brought up girls he use to like.. Ok fine. I said it bothered me that he was thinking about stuff like that on vacation with me and I didn't want to talk about that. The next day he brought up girls he currently thought were cute....... :| He mentioned one at work that I had never heard about before (luckily not the OW). So I got upset and said that I don't know why he's intentionally trying to hurt me. He apologized.
This past week, I asked him when he thought would be a good time to review progress with our situation (ie: him not looking for a new job even though he said he would). Of course he got mad and after some bickering agreed to apply to 5 jobs that week. We agreed to review our efforts at the end of the month.
One minute he acts like he's putting in a lot of effort, the next he acts like he shouldn't have to put in effort.
This past Friday he was a bit distant on the way to work, said he wouldn't meet up today with me since he had seen me so much during the week already. Ok.. weird thing to say first thing since our plans to meet are never really made first thing. He mentioned about a 9am meeting, but wouldn't say who it was with. Obviously I find out it was with the OW and another employee, and that he went for coffee with someone else later. On the way home I said he was acting all weird this morning, he said he wasn't, and I said he must have been in a rush for a very important meeting with the OW, especially since during her meeting she had time to change her chat profile picture. He got defensive and said she wasn't on her phone, I said the time said 9:07am, right at the start of his meeting. He blew up and started freaking out in the car, saying I need to move on or move on (meaning end the relationship). I asked how am i suppose to trust him when he's getting all defensive about this (yes, I know I pushed his buttons, but I didn't push that hard for such a reaction). We fought, he said I ruined all the effort that was made over the last 2 weeks, and things were tense that night into Saturday AM. I tried to explain to him my POV about him actively avoiding talking about things that happen with the OW and that his defensive overreaction when I say something he doesn't like, but he was in such a mood that it didn't matter what I said. If I was blaming him for his reaction, than he didn't want to listen. He said me talking about everything makes him not want to try. After some space, I sent him a message that basically said if he wants me to work on my emotions with his work and the OW, then he needs to work on his emotions about our marriage and the effort required to make it work.
The light switch changed back, and suddenly he wasn't as angry and being nice.
Last night, I went down to see if he was coming to bed at 10pm, and he minimizes a computer screen and is sitting there with a skype chat open... with the OW highlighted. I asked what was going on. He said nothing, showed me that it said he hadn't been online in 2 days that it was just a coincidence where the mouse landed, and showed me some work emails about him going back and forth with her over the last 3 hours about something for her to do at work. The last email is her telling him about her dance schedule for the week and when she can work late. Obviously i get upset. He says he doesn't know why she would say that, he had only told her what he work he wanted her to do, that he didn't respond to her comment on her dance etc etc. I told him how I couldn't trust him at work, and clearly couldn't trust her, because she specifically said she never talks to him about her dance and personal life, yet here she was trying to... He said he wasn't going to play into it. I guess we'll see if he ends up working late this week.
Ugh, I know I can't control what happens with them. And I know no matter what I say, if he wants something to happen, something will happen. It just [censored] being stuck in limbo and not knowing what to trust.
