I've read that abandonment in adults is the result of self-abandonment. This makes sense to me. We then look for someone to fix this scenario. When the solution is often not near the problem.

You are right about self-differentiation. To the WAS/WW there is no differentiation. All the unhappiness is because of the LBS.
Lose the LBS and it all goes away. Yea, right. (sarcastic)

M 53 W 54, M since 98
D15, D19
8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM
until 10/14
7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR
12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.