So, I just had this exchange with the W (via text):
W: "I dropped her (the dog) off around 3:30" Me: "OK, please coordinate with me before doing that in the future"
W: "Ok...why?" Me: "You don't live here anymore. I'm fine with you having access fort the dogs, but I'd like it to be coordinated"
W: "Wow, Okay. Last time I talked to you, you said it was fine. I picked up some stuff and thought you'd be happy to see her." We can play your way. Let's figure out a different schedule and we can alternate dropping them off."
Me: "I a happy to see her. I thought we were clear that there would be communication/coordination when dropping them"
W: "Communication works both ways. I had no idea when you'd be home. Just like I didn't know until the last minute that you weren't going. I can't just wait on you to communication the necessary details last minute" W: "I was trying to be nice by dropping her off so you didn't have to pick her up"
Me: "I was't saying I have to be there, or that you have to wait on me, just asking you to let me know when you'll be here"
W: "Fine"
thoughts on how I handled this?
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
She called me after that interaction and tested boundaries a little bit, but it was a pleasant enough convo (that I ended).
She actually (again) suggested climbing with me in that convo (I didn't respond)
then she texted me about dinner plans after taxes, and I said I thought we should just do taxes, not have dinner.
I appear to be on a roll getting my balls back. I actually feels kind good, but part of me is still terrified since it's so counter intuitive after spending a bunch of time trying to "nice her back".
Part of me is still afraid I'm going to lose the friendship and chances to reconcile. Kinda pathetic I know, but....
Last edited by Cadet; 04/09/1801:13 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
The text exchange is fine. I hope you can see that she tried to make this your fault and about how you are not communicating to her - my W did that early on.
As the stuff about dogs is what I would call 'business' type communications - be proactive about those if you believe she needs to know your plans or something. But, it looks like she just needs to let you know when she's dropping the dog off, which should be straightforward.
Good that you're standing up for yourself and being assertive without being rude and a jerk - that's the balance you want to achieve: firm but pleasant.
You're going to be afraid in the beginning about whether you're ruining your chances or not. I can definitely tell you that you will ruin your chances trying to 'nice her back'. So, what do you have to lose with this approach? Nothing.
I hope you felt good about being assertive - that little self empowerment goes a long way. Now keep doing that and start building yourself up. Don't think how you feel is pathetic - it's completely normal and so many of us have been through that but come out the other side stronger and better.
Last edited by Cadet; 04/09/1801:39 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
