This is only my opinion. I second everything Lcause has said.
I'm in the Army. I have been active going on 17 years in June.
From what you wrote I think your H, wasnt the most popular or maybe got bullied some growing up. (I might be wrong).
Now he has joined the Army and he has flirted with leadership and it has went to his head a bit.
But you are a strong woman, seems to me that you have a natural leadership trait and your H doesnt and hes taking some of what he lacks out on you. The only person he knows that will put up with his Sh!t.
You cook for him, drive back and forth hours to see him, you are going to law school while carrying a 3.7 GPA, you held him while he cried, you motivated him to pass his PT test after he failed his initial one in OCS and thought he couldn't do it. Only a woman with strength and great character can pull that off. Only a woman that truly loves her man can pull that off.
He's being somebody he's not. Or at least trying to be. He's not being real with who he is as a man and person. So your H has a conflict with himself and not you. Until he learns to be honest with himself and be happy with the man he is and stop trying to prove himself to people that could care less about him like his friend. He will be in conflict with himself. It's nothing you can do for him, while he is going thru this but support and remind him he is an awesome man just the way he is.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
