WW in MLC affair and I need advice..

[Natash]

I am consistently following all of these "rules". I no longer share my thoughts or feelings, no small talk, I don't ask her plans or when shell be back. I can't remember when the last time I touched her was. I traditionally over explain at times but that has stopped. My dialog to her is short and to the point. I am seeing things about my w that I don't like and in the past excepted as w being w. It makes it easier to see her move along the journey she must take.

Just a couple of words of caution about going too silent. The children need to see their parents interact, especially at the dinner table. You should not go overboard and not say anything to your W. Many H's have problems balancing talking too much or not talking at all. The rule was designed for those men who want to talk, talk, talk, and talk more. They want to talk b/c they feel it draws the WW/MR closer.....but it doesn't. You can save small talk for the dinner table, or talk with the girls about their activities, but don't go cold silent to your W. It would make you look as if you were mad.....or just being a jerk. See what I mean? You have to stay balanced with this stuff.

I guess I didn't explain that well enough. The W and I do interact and talk about the kids and their activities or our activities together, especially at the dinner table. I look forward to each night asking them about their day. The few times I have been upset and stone silent the W picked up on it and said "what did I do wrong for you to be jerk" or "what's with the attitude" so after those I realized I need to do a better job at fake being happy.

This weekend started out tough for me but I don't feel like getting into that right now. However, my girls had their recital and did amazing jobs. D5 in K has moved up and danced with 2nd graders this year. D7 in 2nd grade moved up and danced with 3rd graders. I was looking forward to see how they did and was proud to see both of them leading their groups. I saw no mistakes in the 7 acts they did, it was great. I gave them each a dozen roses and the W got them stuffed animals. I let them pick a restaurant to go to tonight where they both held hands and presented Mom with a gift card to TJMaxx as a thank you for all of her help with dance this year. The W was glad and said "thank you, that wad nice" and that is where the good vibes end.

At one point tonight while eating, the W told me that my MIL was thinking about going out to eat with us but said she'd take the girls out next weekend when she "said something about having them for the weekend". Like clock work, every other weekend the W will make plans. Last weekend the girls were upset and nervous so if Grammy has a sleepover the w wouldnt have to face that guilt. I have plans for all day Saturday and maybe Saturday night to be hanging out with a buddy and going to look at buying a new motorcycle. Also, I realized the W moved out her sleeping bags, hiking boots back packs and snow shoes. I could see her wanting gear to do a hike his summer but snowshoes aren't needed for almost another year. This tells me she's not planning to stay at mom and dads when they are at camp and then come back. It looks like she's moving out her belongings that aren't used often. I know I'm analyzing but so want to say something to her. I also saw a college online course BA program outline on the night stand and Im struggling with that. She could borrow $50k and the L said I'd be on the hook for half the cost. It's so tempting to bring the moved items, college paper and I'm not staying in an open marriage/she has done nothing to work on the MR up in a conversation. Each day that passes is closer to the day she moves out but I'm feeling more and more used and abused and I respect myself more than that. I am more valuable and deserve better. I want to be with someone that wants me. I can file and secure my financial status but garauntee any chance at recon reduced to almost nothing. What if4 months out my W realizes what she has done and wants to fix things? I need to do what's right for myself and my two daughters. I love my wife but question is doing DB worth it if this is truly who she is/what she is capable of? I have lost almost all respect for her. I know bringing anything up would lead to a conversation about the R so I haven't done that but just felt like running my thoughts by others tonight.

On a good note, I got invited tonight by a buddy I rarely get to see to join him on a once in a lifetime 6 day canoe trip next Month right around my birthday and I think I'm going to join him. I wish I had more than two weeks vacation because I'm also planning to go to Yellowstone this summer to visit another buddy who has been there for 18 years wondering when I'm going to come visit! Couple that with our pool, camping trips, and a few day trips I'm planning with my girls, I will be having fun this summer,!