I have a feeling that your h has been stuck for quite some time because rewriting history is an indicator that he could still be in replay. Some are very slow in moving through the stages and others progress quite nicely. Your h could very well be a slow one and is inching his way along. Your h reminds me of HaWho's h. He lived at home, wrote her letters and communicated w/her via text, email and phone. He finally took the plunge and moved out earlier this year. You may want to take a look at her threads.
There is nothing you can do to help him or push him along. He's got to do this all on his own. You will need to keep GALing and doing for yourself and you family. I know focusing on yourself is difficult w/him in the house, but you have to take care of yourself. Treat him as a roommate. Do not do his laundry or any of those wifely things you've done in the past. Start out slowly in ceasing this activities and if he has fired you as a wife, time for the "old boy" to be accountable for himself and his surroundings.
I know you don't like to do things like this, but in his mind, he could very well think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence and he needs to discover just how good he has it at home and the only way to do that is treat him like a son and make him accountable for his own things.
As for counseling, continue to go by yourself. He won't listen to what the counselor has to say and he's no where near being ready for this step.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
