Help evaluating LRT progress

[Olya]

Everyone's personality is different, but to me it feels like some of the DB techniques could resemble indifference to a partner and in cases where there is no A (where indifference is so very warranted), I can see where perceived indifference right off the bat could be very hurtful. Even if he does want a divorce (based on his reactions to you, I don't think he does) he's still monitoring your reactions to this pronouncement to either reaffirm his "decision" or make him second guess it. If he perceives your reactions as indifference to his announcement/feelings then it's probably really hurting him which is coming back across to you as anger. He's put himself in this position and he knows it, but it's likely not what he wants and he's not getting the reaction he wanted. That's my guess.

I don't think he really wants a divorce either.

1. There's no one else.
2. He has not filed for divorce.
3. He has not cut me off financially.
4. He is happy to support me while I finish up law school.
5. He has made no steps to become more independent.
6. I still handle all the finances.
7. He has not logged into his bank account since the day we were married.
8. He has lost weight (he didn't have any to lose, honestly).
9. He spends his free time either exercising or sleeping or watching really bad movies. (He will fall asleep through those movies and then attempt to watch them again 2 or 3 times.)
10. He does not go out at night and goes to bed earlier than before (around 8 p.m.).
11. His sleep at night is restless.
12. He does not go anywhere or do anything.
13. Early on, he suggested separation, but all that meant is that I would stay with his parents and go to school and not come here on weekends. I told him no because this is my home and he acquiesced with no further argument.
14. The fridge is absolutely empty and he lives mostly on power bars and whatever piece of meat he can fry himself in the evening.


If he claims that he wasn't happy married to me, it does not look like he's very happy without me either. That unhappiness is his, and he carries it with him whether I am there or not.


I do think that my indifference is hurting him. When he was going through this last year, he told me in an unguarded moment that he felt like I gave up on the relationship. This time around he told me that I have this perfect idea of a marriage in my mind and that nothing he does will ever be good enough (that was one day before he asked for a divorce).

For my peace of mind, however, I don't think that I can just stop... nor do I think that I should. I'll start switching things up a little bit in a couple of weeks and see if that yields any results. Nothing major - I'll just ask him to go to a small craft brewery with me. He likes that place. If he doesn't go, I'll take myself there.