One of the things I could use some help with right now is my demeanor and attitude toward H. Given that I am very much in the grieving stage of our R and am still processing everything he's said to me....I am torn between giving myself permission to feel what I feel versus faking it. I've been cold and non-responsive to H....it's such a messed up head game he's created because I feel like if I'm cordial and pleasant, then I'm giving him exactly what he wants, which is for us to "pretend". I don't want to pretend, this is so messed up. But I also don't want to be a cold and bitter woman. I want to take the high road, I want to be mature about the way I handle myself, but I hate what he's doing and I hate that what he wants is probably exactly what I have to do in order to be the best person I can be. I feel like he has me on a puppet string and I am his source of entertainment frown


M: 43, H: 44
Married 18 yrs, Together 26 yrs
S17, D15, D8, S6
Still living in MH