If I had to guess, I would say the anger is not really toward you, but himself. Deep down he knows he is behaving like a child. He knows he is going back on a commitment, and he knows he is causing a lot of hurt and frustration. This is not going to make him feel good about himself. Some anger may be directed at you because, in his eyes, you represent all of the negative stuff he is going through. He chose to chalk all his problems up to being married to you, and push you away. Of course, this is unfair.
If this is anything like last year, he has convinced himself that he has changed, that he is a different person now, that the person I loved is dead, and that I cannot really love the new him.
I do love him. I just don't love his depression.
My behavior is drastically different this year than what it was a year ago - I am no longer begging, pestering or trying to hold on.
His is fundamentally the same. We have skipped over some emotional and verbal cruelties (and I suspect this is because I have denied him this opportunity), but he's right back to sulking, isolating himself with his phone, and being abrasive and antisocial.
He sleeps all the time. He lost weight. He cannot be parted from his phone - be it texts, phone games, or youtube videos. It's like he cannot be alone with his thoughts. Pattern-wise, I'd say we've skipped over last spring and fast forwarded to how he was acting at the end of last summer.
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She hasn't been nearly as overt and has treated me kindly, but partly out of guilt I think. But, as I wrote in my post, she is starting to display destructive behavior. Like your H, texting friends and making plans like they are back in the college/dorm days. I don't know what the best approach for this is, whether to let it runs its course and hold the fort down while she does what she wants, or tell her how I really feel about it. It's hard to separate my hurt and frustration over her choice to give up on the marriage, from my frustration over what I feel is categorically unacceptable behavior.
I think you need to let it run its course WHILE setting some boundaries. By the way, I just remembered something I started doing last summer! If you don't like your wife texting non-stop while you two are in the car, then make her drive!
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I can say, with certainty, that no matter what needs of mine were left unsatisfied or how much I feel I hadn't gotten what I bargained for, I would never just quit on my wife. I devoted my loyalty and promised I would still be standing there no matter what. This is a very hard thing for me to let go of.
That's kind of how I'm feeling. Last year and a half to two years, I have felt really neglected and alone. I might have complained about it, but I never told him to hit the road.
Me: 28 H: 30 T: 9 M: 7
WAH: First half of 2017. Round 2 started in Spring 2018.
