Help evaluating LRT progress

[44tries]

He wanted this. I haven't been clinging. Why the anger? Why the attitude? That's what I don't get.

If I had to guess, I would say the anger is not really toward you, but himself. Deep down he knows he is behaving like a child. He knows he is going back on a commitment, and he knows he is causing a lot of hurt and frustration. This is not going to make him feel good about himself. Some anger may be directed at you because, in his eyes, you represent all of the negative stuff he is going through. He chose to chalk all his problems up to being married to you, and push you away. Of course, this is unfair.

Good for you for standing up for yourself. It seems maybe you got the message across and he can at least reign in his attitude and be civil. I have been struggling with whether or not to let my W know my frustrations. She hasn't been nearly as overt and has treated me kindly, but partly out of guilt I think. But, as I wrote in my post, she is starting to display destructive behavior. Like your H, texting friends and making plans like they are back in the college/dorm days. I don't know what the best approach for this is, whether to let it runs its course and hold the fort down while she does what she wants, or tell her how I really feel about it. It's hard to separate my hurt and frustration over her choice to give up on the marriage, from my frustration over what I feel is categorically unacceptable behavior.

Ultimately, like I wrote to you before, I think only they can bring themselves back to rationality and choose what kind of people they really want to be. Very frustrating and difficult to let them fall to rock bottom, but I don't know what else we can do. We treat them with respect, treat ourselves with respect, and keep on living our lives.

I realized yesterday that I have some ambivalence about how I feel about divorce from a moral perspective. I don't want someone to live in misery, but I can't shake that feeling that they made a commitment they knew was meant to be lifelong. If someone has not done something major to break that agreement first, are there really ever grounds to choose to walk away and be doing the right thing? I wonder. I can say, with certainty, that no matter what needs of mine were left unsatisfied or how much I feel I hadn't gotten what I bargained for, I would never just quit on my wife. I devoted my loyalty and promised I would still be standing there no matter what. This is a very hard thing for me to let go of.