[HelenaJ]

Texts are impersonal. You don't see the reaction of the person you're texting to. It is VERY easy to be nasty over text. Do not give him that power. Calls are better, but then you give him the power to hang up. Any discussion of your relationship should be conducted face-to-face only.

This is probably a good idea. If he tries to text again, I'll simply say "I don't want to text about our relationship anymore. If you want to talk, it needs to be face to face. I know our time is limited but we can schedule a time to talk."

With that being said, it will be interesting to see if he initiates any relationship talk because this was our last interaction:
Him:
"Just listened to River of Dreams and it reminded me of our youth. What happened to us? Our love was so pure back then. I still feel that I am that same guy. My heart has been betrayed too many times."
Me:
"I'm sinking...I see your face at the surface but it's farther and farther and farther away. You're speaking but I can't hear what you're saying. I'm closing my eyes. Letting myself fall. Goodbye my love."
Him:
Goodbye then I guess. This really [censored] because I still love you and care for you. But I understand your perspective. I should be so angry, but I have come to the realization that we are who we are. I have accepted that you are you and you need something beyond me. I am fine with that. I got it, you have checked out. I really appreciate the thought you have given to my feelings."

I did not text him back until the following morning when I said:
"*I* checked out? I've been paying pretty close attention and I'm pretty sure that's not what happened. I'm sorry if it didn't seem like I gave any thought to your feelings...as I'm sure you must know after all our conversations, that isn't the case and not surprisingly I'm sure, it feels quite the opposite to me as I can't recall the last tine you asked or seemed to care how I am feeling. I do know however that there is nothing I can say that you will believe, you have the facts as you see them solidified in your mind. I still have some hope that the man who loves me will come back for me, I watch for him every day."

So we left it at this sort of "goodbye" because I truly can't handle his random texts that tell me how horrible I've been. I just get to a place where I feel like I'm doing ok and bam. I can't do it.

Now, from what you wrote just now... it just doesn't carry the same message as what I quoted. Read both excerpts and think about how each comes off. You want to sound like the first one.

I would not have noticed that if you hadn't said anything...but now that I read them back, I can see that my post here was from a place of....strength? Whereas my text to him was pleading. Is that what you see too? I guess that makes sense bc that text was right after he told me that he never wanted to be a couple again. I think everyone whose in my position makes that mistake, ha. But tell me more on what you see here bc I think this is probably my biggest weakness. I know I've hurt him and I've tried to let him express that unchallenged. But like I said, it's gotten to the point where it's crossed the line into emotional abuse and I think both you and 25yearsmlc are saying the same thing-I get to matter. My opinion and my feelings get to matter.

Now, as far as getting a life goes, you can do it and you need to do it. It doesn't have to mean that you go out all the time. Take up an exercise class. Buy a book and read it. Rent Oscar nominated movies and watch them.

From this perspective, I do have a life. I go to the gym when I can, I get up and run in the mornings, I watch Grey's Anatomy independently, I go for walks, I watch This is Us and The Bachelor (shush, lol) with my daughter, I get my hair and nails done...I very rarely read or watch movies bc I'm exhausted at night. Today I took my oldest son and his girlfriend and my two little guys to a local she crab soup tasting contest (H and oldest daughter are at a soccer tournament). So I do stuff, I definitely do.

He's not responsive, so, don't initiate relationship talks. Work on getting a life and memorize what you will eventually tell him.

This is my 180 for sure. I bring up NOTHING. Which is so hard when I see my life slipping away and I wonder if I've made it clear enough how sorry I am, how much I want to be married to him, etc. Makes it even harder when I know this is the stuff he craves to hear. Is it the right decision NOT to say it? I don't know. But I couldn't say it right now regardless so I guess it doesn't matter.