[Olya]

My biggest advice to you is to never text about anything important. That is a disaster. I went down that rabbit hole a year ago, and it was a huge mistake.

Texts are impersonal. You don't see the reaction of the person you're texting to. It is VERY easy to be nasty over text. Do not give him that power. Calls are better, but then you give him the power to hang up. Any discussion of your relationship should be conducted face-to-face only.

Now, from what you wrote just now... it just doesn't carry the same message as what I quoted. Read both excerpts and think about how each comes off. You want to sound like the first one. It'll take practice. You might have to rehearse what you say. When you do say it, do it calmly and in a level voice. Don't cry. Do not allow him to interrupt. And when you're done, walk away.

I don't think that this is the best time for you to have this conversation, but you will have to have it eventually. Make sure the time is right and make sure you're holding stronger cards than he is when this conversation happens.


Now, as far as getting a life goes, you can do it and you need to do it. It doesn't have to mean that you go out all the time. Take up an exercise class. Buy a book and read it. Rent Oscar nominated movies and watch them. Start unloading more of your parental duties onto your husband. Don't ask - just tell him what you need him to do. What not to do: "Would you mind making dinner for the kids tonight? I'd really like to go see a movie." What to do: "I need you to make dinner tonight. I'll be running a little late - let me know what you're making and I'll buy the wine."

He's not responsive, so, don't initiate relationship talks. Work on getting a life and memorize what you will eventually tell him.