No affair, no feelings...is there hope?

[44tries]

Yes, like many of us you're in limbo. And it can last a longtime. Even years.

I will say anger is better than being pathetic and whiny. As long as you control it. I've confronted my wife about various things on and since BD. When I did it as a weepy wimp, she was obviously not attracted and had even an air of disrespect. When I found her online dating profile and confronted her with control anger she at least respected me. I don't think it was a coincidence that we had sex not too long after that.

I am realizing the reality of how long the limbo can last and how much patience will be required. I'm ready to face that if I have to. This is really good feedback, now that I am feeling anger I have this uncertainty about whether she deserves it or if I should let her see any of it. I am going to try to avoid showing her anything, but if I have to I'm definitely going with controlled anger over pathetic weepiness. It cuts deep to think she doesn't care that I'm hurting, but I have to fight any urge to let my guard down.