No affair, no feelings...is there hope?

[44tries]

This is something that I struggle with as well. The endless texts drive me up the wall, especially in the car - what am I? A chauffeur? Sure, part of me wonders if it's a sign of an affair. But a part of me is simply pissed off by how rude this is. I make small talk with my Ubber drivers, for God's sake!

EXACTLY this. After all the reading I've done and the circumstances of a 'sudden' decision to just give up, it's hard not to have any suspicions when there is such excessive texting. But, at the end of the day as I said in my previous post, I don't really care if there is an EA or not, it's an intentional decision to put your time and effort elsewhere while also agreeing to spend time with another and it's just plain rude.

I've also heard the whole "I don't have fun with you anymore," and it's B.S. in my case too. I think it's easier to leave when you pretend that you (1) never loved the other person, (2) never had good times together, (3) don't have fun around each other, and that (4) there is nothing positive in your marriage. This way, the WAS does not have to feel the pain of ending something. I personally believe that marriages where there has been no abuse, no affairs, and no lies are fundamentally good and salvageable marriages. Most people believe that deep down. WAS needs a reason, so, one is created and suddenly small fixable issues are blown out of proportion, good times are forgotten, and the LBS is the root of all WAS's problems.

So, your anger and your loss of respect are probably coming from this - from realizing how ridiculous and contrived the whole situation is.

I have no idea if this anger is helpful, but I too feel it.

What you said here validates so much of my thinking; it's spot on. While I don't believe our marriage has no issues and I don't believe in someone feeling unable to express they have a problem, there is just such a feeling of betrayal about the whole thing. Violating that core belief that both people are committed in good faith and barring a few major transgressions, they are going to keep fighting.

I too believe that marriages without those exceptions are fundamentally good and can be saved. To me, that's a big part of what marriage means. Anyway, I'm grateful to hear my same thoughts are internalized by another, but I am so sorry you have to feel it. Today was the hardest day yet for me, but I hope that means I am making progress. I really appreciate your support.