[HelenaJ]

Have you ever told him that? Without screaming or crying, just with calm and dignity.

Yes, not exactly in those words all at once but pieces. For instance, here is a text from me:
"I cannot live the way you have suggested. I think we need to talk when you get home. I just can't believe you've got this mindset and are willing to throw away all our dreams and our family over something you've said yourself you don't think I meant to do. I've told you a thousand different ways I will make changes to ensure it never happens again but you don't want us anymore. Your pride has ruined everything. You have a wife who loves you, the mother of your children, and you're leaving it behind for pride."
He said:
"But you have made these assurances before and just ignored them when it interfered with what you wanted to do. I don't trust you and it will only happen again. And I accept that. It's who you are. YOU just can't believe it of yourself."

What he's referring to when he says I've made these assurances before is that situation I mentioned where we were at a Mexican restaurant with my sister and her husband when we went to visit them and the kids got cranky and needed to go home. I asked him if he minded if I stayed and had another margarita and he told me yes he minded and reminded me that I agreed I would never go out without him again. The agreement was that I would never go out to a bar without him again, like OUT OUT. This was at a restaurant during daylight hours with my sister and her husband and there was no one else even there! We were sitting outside by ourselves. I decided in that moment that if I let him bend the agreement to whatever situation he wanted, I would be living under his control forever regardless of what my OWN feelings were. So I stayed and he's clearly NEVER forgiven me for it.
When I tell him what the agreement meant to me as in the following text:
"We stayed at a dinner place where you were WITH me for another margarita after you left? That's "going out"?
He says:
"So if a restaurant turns into a bar that's fine then. Man, we should have clarified that. Or we could just trust our partner's feelings. But you have justified that via a technicality. Brilliant."

The restaurant did not turn into a bar. Yes, they had a bar there that made drinks but it was not a "bar". I just get so frustrated, there is nothing I can say that matters.