It is SOOO hard not to ask her to reconsider when I see her struggling with this, but I know that'll just make her dig her heels in more.
Yup. She doesn't feel like what she's doing is wrong, she still thinks it's the right thing to do. That doesn't mean it's easy, it's still a very emotional and difficult thing for her to go through. But she does NOT want the M right now and NOTHING you say will change that. So just keep doing what you're doing (validating). Very sorry you're going through this!
I'm doing better than I expected to with this, but it's one of the hardest things I've ever done.
I just noticed that she changed her name from her hyphenated name back to her maiden name on Facebook, and for some reason that hit me really hard.
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
I'm doing better than I expected to with this, but it's one of the hardest things I've ever done.
I just noticed that she changed her name from her hyphenated name back to her maiden name on Facebook, and for some reason that hit me really hard.
I'd ignore it. Likely did it so you'd see. I'd suspend your FB account for the time being. Otherwise you'll be obsessive about her FB activity. Imagine if you didn't even know about this mane change? Then it couldn't hit you at all!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I just noticed that she changed her name from her hyphenated name back to her maiden name on Facebook, and for some reason that hit me really hard.
It's the little stuff like that that really stings. Almost all WAS's do it though, it's their way of mentally "separating". Don't sweat it, it doesn't mean it's over. All of this has to come to pass before recon becomes an option. It's almost always the same pattern. Move out, change the name, change FB status to "single" or "it's complicated" or whatever, buy sexy underwear, get hair and nails done, get on dating sites, find out the single life is not so easy and "swinging" as you thought it would be, start remembering your old spouse wasn't ALWAYS a jerk, start wondering if this really was the right decision, etc. etc. Eventually most of them circle back around to recon. It takes so long that by the time they do, most LBS's are done with them.
Thanks guys. Hearing how "typical" a lot of what I'm experiencing is is very comforting, even though it sounds like I'm in for a pretty long road.
The irony is that she claims she doesn't trust me to be there for her, but from an outside perspective, she's still reaching out to me for support when she's upset.
I've gotten a few random messages from her (almost like things are normal) today. I think because she's upset and looking for a little stability.
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
OK, we're at a week since she moved out. Day to day things are easier and a lot less tense.
We've only seen each other briefly (once) handing over dogs. We've messaged a few times, but she's not been overly friendly and I'm certainly not going to pursue right now.
It's still hard, I realize it's only been a week, and that she needs to go through this, but the lack of contact seems awfully like indifference.
Anyway, keeping busy and GALing. The few times she's texted to propropose things like doing taxes) I've legitimately been busy.
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
R-Hang in there, I still remember my first week by myself like it was yesterday. Sleepless nights, lying in bed wondering what she was doing and who she was doing it with. I remember how quiet it was and dreaming that at any minute she was going to come bursting through the doors. You can GAL your butt off but there will still be times that you are home alone.
You will probably feel the urge at some point to reach out to her unsolicited and conduct a major a temp check. I did mine about a month after she moved out and she put me in place very quickly. Resist the urge and trust me that it will get better.
Today the wife showed up to pick up more of her stuff. We had a pleasant enough visit, and she asked me about participating in a shared activity together tomorrow.
Then she told me she had been dating an acquaintance of ours (that I already suspected). It clearly had an element of trying to make herself feel better, she was telling me "out of respect, and because she'd rather I hear it from her than someone else".
She also asked if I wanted to climb with her, but I indicated that I needed time. I kept my composure, but couldn't pretend that I wasn't deeply hurt by this. She also said that she just sits at home and cries some days, that she misses me sometimes. I acknowledged that I miss her too.
Right now I feel like I should just file for D. That a line has been crossed and I could never trust her again. I realize this is just hurt feeling talking, but...
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
We had plans to do dinner and finish our taxes together this coming week. When I see her next I think I may suggest that we skip dinner and just to the taxes.
Is it advisable to say that a line has been crossed?
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
I assume this takes us from WAS to WW territory, and that I should not be "friend" and hang out with her (we have shared activities) when there is on ongoing A.
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
