Helena, I doubt you want to do anything radical, but if you stage an exit, leave the house saying you want a divorce and act like you mean it, I wonder if your husband's demeanor would change? Do you think he expects you to stick around regardless of what he says or does? It's too bad because 14 years is a long time to hold a grudge. I really feel for what a difficult situation you're in. It's nice to hear he recognizes you're the perfect mother. Perhaps you can compliment him on something too? You're probably trying to follow all the DB rules and complimenting may not fit within the rules, but your situation has gone on for so long that I suspect experimenting and seeing how different communication techniques do or don't get positive results is worth a try.
