An update: so she has been back for a few days now, obviously way too early to say anything. As I've said I am treating her as a room mate and am staying completely detached.
So far she seems a lot more careful and caring and seems to somewhat fragile around the idea of me seeing someone else. One night where she was asking who I had dinner with and realized it was not a common friend she quickly dropped to topic and got very quiet. She is being much more attentive is a normal relational way (its not all about her), she is completely attached emotionally and present, and is owning her own feeling and emotions. She gets depressed and when she was talking about it starting back at the house and I said (without any hidden meaning) "well then why not leave and go somewhere else" she quickly said that no, she realizes it wasn't the place, that it was her and she has to work through it. In fact she has been owning and saying that it is her for the past couple of months. This morning she even came into my room talking and for a few minutes lay down on the bed (not close) but this would have been shocking a few months back.
Also interestingly she has brought up going to therapy on her own a couple of times, and has a few times now said things like age and being old doesn't matter and she can do whatever she wants at this age as at any other time (a big shift in her view of aging from a year ago).
We talk quite a bit, I never bring up anything about relationship or plans, but they are not shallow nor are they the one sided monologues of how she was in replay stage. But I also know she is nowhere near done, as I've said before I think she has at least another year to go through this on her own, at her own pace, and with no outside influence (specially mine).
So no expectations, staying detached, continuing on as if she is just a roommate (and not changing anything about what I am doing compared to when she was not around). If I had to guess I am thinking in a few weeks she will need to retreat to middle of nowhere, which is honestly not a bad thing for her (and its perfectly fine for me).
My biggest challenge right now (and so far so good) is to not falling into seeing her in the context of the "old marriage" but retain the new person clearly in sight and keep distance.
