InFocus, have you seen about attending anger management? Have you given up drinking and partying? For a judge to see actual steps you are making, would have to place you in a good light, don't you think? Don't be offended by what I am going to say. Staying out till 4:00 a.m. (even once a month) when you are wanting child custody, may not be wise. You are not a single guy who just looking for a wild night. You are a M man with children. That means, responsibilities. Do ever confuse how much you love your children......with how responsible a father you make. Put the action where your mouth is, so to speak, and become a model example of a fantastic father. Be a father the Judge would not think twice about rewarding custody.
Although my sitch was different, I recognize the frustration, unfairness and sense of hopelessness I see in you. I felt a lot of anger when I first joined the board. I was the wayward spouse, so it wasn't like I was going to get a lot of validation and support........until I straightened up my attitude and stopped gripping and blaming my H. It would make me so frustrated for a board member to tell me that my H was not the one here! And if I tried to explain the things my H had done wrong, I would be reminded that I was keeping score. You know what? I was keeping score, and that's why I would get so frustrated. It helps sometimes just to know you are being heard, doesn't it? We hear you, InFocus.......we hear you. ((hugs))
I have said much of this previously. You've got to stop watching her. Stop keeping score. It gets you nowhere but further backwards. I'm concerned that when you don't see positive signs from her side of the street, that's when you want to throw in the towel. No matter the results of the MR, don't give her (or anyone) that type of power in your life. Leave her be, and focus on you and the kids.
Set goals in how you can be proactive in becoming a man who is tackling his addictions and his personal problems in a civil and constructive manner. You can talk about what a great dad you are until you turn purple, but if you really are that kind of guy.......prove it to the case workers, or the judge.......or whoever wants to see and hear verification that you were more than just talk. Have the backup that can go into court and say, "Yes, this man attended anger management class for XX amount of time. Have someone who can verify you haven't had a drink in xxx amount of days. If you have fines, make sure you've paid them. Do you attend church regularly? Are you in IC? Are you keeping a good attendance record on your job? Are you involved in schools activities with your children? Have you met their teachers and attended parent conferences? These actions make a statement about how serious you are in changing your life for the better.....and being a stabilized father.
If you need a life coach or whatever it takes to give accountability, make strides in your life, and have a more positive mindset.........go get it. Take your focus off everything your W is doing wrong. Just worry about yourself. If you want to set some short term goals and come here every day to talk about your accomplishment or what you need to get a boost......I'll just bet these people will cheer you forward in your mission.
What do you say?
Yes, thank you. I feel so much regret and loss. Anger is there...but the loss and regret is sometimes overwhelming. I feel so lost and then hopeful. I make so much sense one minute and sound crazy the next. I may be bi-polar...not feeling good atm.
You know what? I 