A familiar story with questions. IV

[RR17]

Each couple, each sitch is different.

Sex is different to ML. If it works and if the spouse is wayward you use protection then it's fine. Trouble is expectation comes into it and it confuses.

If you can detach, if its a 180, or just great exercise I think it's fine. Just don't give it much meaning.

V

This ^^^ is the approach that I have taken. W and I have discussed what meaning if any that sex plays these days.

When I told this story it was fresh and I was venting, although I get the part about bringing it here.
My C in IC says that she is allowed to hear things like this. I know IC didn't read the book and I am aware of both valid schools of thought.

Back to that conversation where I told her I didn't deserve this type of response: What I didn't tell is how she listened. She honestly seemed saddened and concerned, although she didn't apologize. (she seems to struggle with apologies)
But she listened and didn't get defensive. I believe that she doesn't know. Looking back this very sitch has lead to many arguments over the years. Not the no sex now but how she communicates this message. I even stated that I didn't mean to chastise, but I wanted to let her know how I felt. She seemed to validate me.

Vanilla, I doubt she was surprised. She does know me. She has always struggled with giving bad news and it has come up before. The sound of disgust, I take as a defensive improper coping mechanism to delivering a "No".

Even with the kids, she tends to say "we'll see" or "maybe later" when she means No.


Thanks, everyone for your responses. Even if it sounds like I don't always agree with the observation or theories, I do take them into consideration and another opinion is always welcome. Most of the time I feel like I just didn't describe the event or dynamic sufficiently.