Former WH, now LBS Please Help, close to Give Up

[betheoa]

Hi there.
Day before yesterday, when i took the kids from WW parents, i do not stayed long with her parents, just take the kids and left. I got late, 2 hours late (because i spend time, reading and writing on here, as well as just have a cup of coffee). I did not call to WW (in the past it was norm to call her when i am there and when i left and so on). From month or so i cut this, she call me on my way back with the kids, to ask....nothing (what happening), i said we are on our way, she was surprise because we are late ...i did not explain nothing, just said bye.
When we got home, i start unpack the tings from the car, the she come from work.I just said hi and she respond...i continuous do what i had to do, i did not look at her at all, like she is not there.
We was start eating, she try to chat with me several times, i avoid this bay very short answers and not wiling to prolong the convo. Then she ask How were her parents, i told her they looks like fine and i did not talk much to them because i stayed there not for long .
She looked very questionable and worried, ask me did i go late for them (aka. am i not go for the kids right after work..) i just answer Yep -- and did not give her any other explanation.
After kids went to bed, she try to chat again, but i did not engage in the convo, i just answer comment with fue words (i did not want to do silent treatment her, but did not want to talk to her, she felt this and stop talk).
I did not ask her nothing, i did not confron noting, i behave like she is some neighbor i my house.
Later i went to bed before her (this is out of my norm ), after 5 minutes she came to bad.
All day i was fighting with the anger in me, about what how much effort she was doing to meet OM or/and others foggy things, because i almost do everything and she is so stubborn, but i have felt relief when thinking about My new flat after 3 months, and how free i will feel when i moved (i am like WAH), i am not felling the time with WW, as something worthy, even now she is soft, polite and chatty.

Yesterday i am performing at work much better, after work she call me to see if i am going home after work, to take some grocery on my way home, i was very short and collected on the phone.
Went home, all evening i was avoiding her, not ignoring (silent treatment) but avoiding. She made some suggestion to go to shop buy some sweet (in the past i take this enthusiastically - like a time together) - this time i did not even notice, than she said, she will not go out.
She ask me, should she make some cake
me: if you want
She: will you help me (in polite meaner)
me: sure (after 5 seconds silence - in the past i will sow her wanting to cook with me, as way of reconciliation-now i see this as temp check. So i help her a bit, but i was not showing any enthusiasm)
Did i do wrong help her cooking? This do not mean nothing for me, just temp check from her, try to softening the situation from her side.

There is new phone, her phone has some problems and not wring every time, so she asks if i would to setup the new phone for her, i answer her that i will do later. I did it. (if i was refusing, it will looks like i punish her ....grrrr). I think i am not going to do thinks like this i future.

Later on she went to bed, i went an hour later, spend some time watching YouTube.
All this evening i avoid her, i was not chatty, but spend time with the kids. She asks about the new flat, i answer very short and shut her down, about this topic.

So there is 2 days after my DDR (Decision to Drop the Rope).
And finally today.
When I came from work, WW was in front of the block with girl neighbor, I said hi , she ask if I will stay with them, I answer –will go home to eat something ..she answer she will come home in a minute (I did not ask her for that).
So she came home, I was the same as yesterday, avoiding her but not ignoring, not affection at all and very les attention (answering only with few words). She tries to chat, to see is there any difference in my attitude to her from yesterday – there was not.
In me there was one gut feeling …..so I was in waiting mode …. (I will post the main point of the conversation)
WW: So she starts …ask about what I am thinking about our new flat (the place where I am going to live after 3 months when is ready for living), last 2 weeks I told her several times what will happened, this time I am answering the same, after 3 months the flat should be ready then I will go there.
Me: I told her that I do not want any convo, about this matter, I told her that this type of convo did not bring any good in the end, and that everything is told so there is nothing more to be sad.
WW: She said, that it is time to talk, calmly and have constructive convo.
Me: I told her, that I agree, but my experience from our interaction in M or R talks last 5 -6 years, get very intense at some point in the convo, so the end result is negative always.
She: She turn the plot about, always it is me, and I turned this way (normally in the past I always try to calm the situation, as take the blame or give up of my point) , last few months I become more assertive, and she have difficulties to handle this (she clime this behavior from me as aggression or stubbornness)
Me: I sad fine, (just shut down of her).
She : So she continuous the convo and ask me why I will leave to the flat, when the flat is 5 minutes away? Why I need to leave our family home where I living with the kids, and moving just few minutes a way ?

Me: I answered – because I do not want to live with her (she was shocked – by my answer)
She; She answered that is enough to her, and she understand me, end she finally is convinced about my real reason for leaving her, and my disagreement about her “OM friendship” is just occasion. She told me that my real reason to not want to live with her is that she is not intimate with me from many years, and I want to leave her, but do not want to be seen as such a a**, so I need occasion, and finally her happiness with her friendship is the right one form me. She told me that she saw this, when I show I am not agree when she is happy.
Me: I answer, that like a man, it will be ridicules to be happy for my wife when she is happy from other man’s attention and affection.
She: The she start to talk they are just friends OM1 OM , and pay attention to her without asking nothing from her, and haw they save her from doing much more wrong things (like PA or something like that ..) and how they gave her so much but she gave so little …… And how she was not did/doing nothing wrong, and how i dare to want she to be miserable, and how I do not want her to be happy and feel herself and so on..
Me: I told her I did not want to listen (about OM`s), and is she doing something wrong or not is up to her perception, for me reality is that I will not live with woman that think such things (relationship with OM and flirty attitude) is nothing wrong. Period.
She: She ask me to not go/live with other woman’s I our new flat, because we bought together, and she is not going to take other mans to our existing home after me leaving.
Me: I answer, that this is not point of discussion, because separations is separation, we cannot have any expectation like this from each other, every one of us should move on with the life in some why ….. (she become a little nagging, then calm down)
She: Ask when I will divorce her, I answer when I need to. She ask if I want something from her ….(I know this trap, normally when she ask this I have start to explain some condition, wishes and hopes, if I show some level of attachment or hope for reconciliation, she shut me down very hard, as much pain she cause verbally as much she is satisfied)
Me:…this time I ask, just to clarify, what she have in mind …….she refuse to say exactly what she want to hear …after several asking’s from me, she told me if I want something from her about the divorce or/and about the flat. I answer that about the flat I did not expect nothing from her, about the divorce ….i told her when some of us have need/urgent to fail for divorce, to do it and inform other person.
Then she became very intense and nagging, she become treating me about, from now on she will do all thing she did not do until now, she will found someone else to look after for her, she will go on dating side to found some divorced men to live with her ……. many things like this. (in the past when she threatening about going to find some other men to be with her, and she did this when the thing do not went her way, normally I freaked out , I had become very angry, my ego hit the fans – it was because 5 years I did not touch her – she told me that she will not allow any man especially me to touch her sexually)…but not this time. I have looked at her in the eyes, smile very confident, and tell her story ….the message from the story was, there is billion people in the world……

I felt that the convo become intense, she was not so much calm any more, she tray to rotate again and again all her statements about , not doing nothing wrong, I was cheating, I was wrong, I want her to be miserable …..at this point I said I am done with the convo, the she said something about how wrong I am ….at this point I become loos my calmness ….
Me: I told her that when I came home 3 days earlier (when she date OM), her PL was open so I read everything, and told her to clear her head from the fog, and told her to found some clear had girlfriend to read her chat with OM, and to give her opinion ……
The I left the house for walk – I felt my self-become judgmental – and found difficult to bite my tongue.
When I came home 30 later, I continuous to behave with her like a gust, as before our convo.

I hate myself that was involved in R talk, I have tried my best to not talk about my or her emotion, just listen and set my point of view when is needed. I did not ,move back from my point to leave, This time I did not say - I will live if you……(not cut contact with OM), I said I am living after 3 months, when the flat is ready, she is very much aware what she have to do in order to stay with her …..i hope to be enough strong and handle all the provocation coming around, she will pay me back about my ground standing 

So I am not happy being involved in R talk, but quite satisfied about standing my point of not accepting cake eating as something normal, and something I have deserve as Former WH.

For tomorrow I am not going to have any expectation, I spouse tomorrow will feel very down, it is normal for me after R convo, where nothing is resolved. But for that will write tomorrow  or today after some hours.
It is just vent, please some comment, I will appreciate every opinion