That REALLY escalated fast. (Hoosjim's 14th)

[sandi2]

Kind of early for it, in either event, but what do you think about the idea i discussed above of "take backs" for painful dates and places. On one hand it seems like a good idea in the context my friend is doing it. OTOH, i am wondering if trying that might prove risky or dangerous for a husband and recovering WW.

I should probably give more thought before responding, but............

I have actually practiced that concept, just not in connection with an affair.

Timing would be important, I would think. For instance, if the WW had not gone through withdrawals, etc., returning to their former meeting place, might not be wise. In your case, the paidowns memories are too fresh. I don't think you should even consider going to the same hangout they formerly met. Not for a looooong time.

However, taking a calendar date and reclaiming it by doing something unique, might work.........as long as attention was not drawn to the events that originally darkened the date. I can think of a few scenarios it might be doable, especially when it's a holiday you wish to reclaim.

The caution I would urge you to take, is not to try this anytime soon. Why should you? Just b/c a friend said he and his W were doing it? There are far too many other things that should take priority, IMHO. You would have to decide if it's worth the risks. I could see how she may not hold the same view point of returning to a place where she and OM met. You know, an out of sight out of mind sort of thing. She may even wonder if her H is testing her reactions. It could prove to feel awkward for both of them, especially her. Seems to me it would require having a discussion well in advance. Even then, what could she say other than okay, without her H making too much out of it?

If it's a place like a bar or restaurant........it wouldn't be worth it, IMHO. I mean, would you want to go to the same little romantic get-away, sleep at the same hotel? Where do you draw the line before it becomes just weird? Yes, it's unfortunate the affair couple may have gone to one of your favorite places.........but why stir up those memories just trying to prove a point?