Love the responses guys. I am seeing it more clearly now. I am on it now. Before she kicked me out..before the restraining order I was lost, out of control, reacting, doing all the crap I have been doing for years and doing it more while claiming to be trying. Enough of that. I am going to Ic for anger management, substance abuse, and learning how to handle this sitch. I have a hugely addictive personality, so I realize rather than deny I have to replace them with positive habits and addictions like fitness, self learning and growth, being an active and caring father.
I am not even close to being clear of this mess. I just began. But I am doing it. Day by day, taking it one day at a time.
I will let her drive this at her pace. I will let go. I will focus on my growth and change like a boss. I will focus on being there for my kids. I will leave all the bad habits behind, not for my stbxw, but to prove to myself I am better than that.
I am still scared and afraid, but let my actions lead the way forward so that I become the man I should have always been.
