Help evaluating LRT progress

[44tries]

I'm going to be honest with you - that is a problem. She'll probably have to work on it at some point in her life, but that's a decision that she has to make on her own. I would not broach the subject in the near future.

100%. I have always been aware it's a problem, and it didn't take me long to know that it was a personal one that I couldn't do anything to fix. This is an issue that can be addressed way down the road, when and if we ever get back to some semblance of a stable, healthy relationship.

My big mistake was pressuring him to go to therapy. I come with a very deeply ingrained "fix it" mentality. I should have just let him be and let him hurt. He's still hurting - the couple of group sessions he went to during his lunch breaks did not help, nor could they. The only difference is that now he's back to wanting a divorce.

I feel you on this one. I approach every problem I face with the mentality that it can be solved, no question. Keep coming from different angles, find new resources, just never give up. My tenacity can be exhausting and I know that. Pressuring my wife has been one of my biggest problems. Somehow, I am always putting pressure on her in one way or another. I know this needs to be changed if we have any hope, but as I wrote in my recent update I don't know if she will ever let go of the thought that I am an overbearing presence.

It can be frustrating to "let him hurt" and not be taking active steps toward a solution, worrying that time will just pass and he will be in a worse place like now where he's wanting a divorce. It's a helpless feeling.

I suspect that you are right. I just have a hard time doing it. He'll be gone to Kuwait for 10 months. I'm worried that he'll hit that rock bottom while overseas, and he will be all alone.

This is so, so hard. Fix it mentalities and savior complexes are such compulsive drives. We want to help and feel like we're doing the right thing. But we're trying to do a job that isn't ours or extends beyond our job description. Knowing a military member is in a place alone just makes it that much harder.

He seems to do better when he has me to be angry at. The last I saw him, Sunday, he snapped "what" at me quite angrily and quite annoyed the minute I came up to him and said "hey." Why was I talking to him to begin with? Because I needed him to move his car so that I could leave the driveway. Was a begrudged "fine" an appropriate response? No, but that was what I got. He talks this way only with me and with his family. It's a teenage rebellion at 30.

Yikes. It can be hard when you are the only "safe" outlet. They bottle everything up and act normal and cheery to friends and co-workers and then come home and let it all out on you. I've been there. It's a fine line between allowing yourself to be treated a certain way and also wanting to help and knowing that they do need an outlet of some kind. He needs to realize that he does this and work on growing and managing his internal issues better. Again, a problem only he can recognize and solve.