Husband gone for second time - 3

[SteveLW]

Jim, if my husband stops sending money I will have to file for divorce. There are also temporary support orders that can be requested as I understand. I'll soon be working though, and I can involve my husband's family if it reaches the point where he stops supporting my daughter and I. My closest two friends have offered financial support if needed. Therefore I believe I could survive in the short-term. I don't believe my husband will stop sending money though. He's done some bad things but I don't think he'll drop us that way. He may try to negotiate the amount we need each month but that's fine for the time being.

Steve85, I read the story and that is so sad. It's hard to believe that happened in real life to your own friends. It's a tragedy. How can Liza go from a good church-going lady to living a life of selfishness and sin? It's so hard to trust anyone in this world when this happens.

I've had this same fear about the health consequences. I was diagnosed with erosive gastritis two months after my husband left (the lining of my stomach was inflamed and eroded). My husband has said many times he gets chest pain when he talks to me. The lack of sleep, rapid weight loss, emotional turmoil...all those things take their toll. When it happens for years and years I can see how people develop chronic conditions. I was, and am probably still, at risk of ulcers that bleed and this can be fatal. I've also had a heart arrhythmia that is triggered by stress. I'm still debating whether to take SSRI's.

Yes I agree with your definition of reconciliation.

If you don't mind, since you talk about being Christian and going to Church, can you please read my earlier thread and comment on what the Christian counselor told me? How did you choose DB when you probably have access to explicitly Christian marriage resources?

I tried to find where you mentioned the Christian counselor but had no luck. Can you repeat what it is the counselor said?

As far as my sitch and Christian marriage resources, our MC is a Christian based MC. But please remember, my wife was in full rebellion. She was even rebelling against her faith. She had started to withdraw and grow distant with our church friends.

Also, no one at church knows about our sitch. In fact, no one that knows us knows. Very early on in my reading I found information that said it was best not to tell people about our problems. SO I adhered to that.

One of the reasons given was because it makes it that much harder for the WAS/WS to come back. It is hard enough when they feel like they have to overcome things with you, but throw in strained relationships with relatives and friends and it could be too much to overcome.

That was a big reason I didn't go to anyone at church with the sitch. If she quit going to church I felt our chances at R were slimmer. I know her, and having to face people at church that knew what she had done and knew our sitch would have made her not want to go, and never want to come back. We are very involved in our congregation, and we are both highly respected. For her to lose that could have had devastating consequences for any chance of R.

However, even then I don't see DBing as being contrary to Christianity. AS/WS aren't really adhering to Biblical teachings on marriage. So trying to apply Biblical teachings to WAS/WSs is probably not going to work in the vast majority of cases. As I relayed in my current thread, I used a combination of many techniques to get us to where we are today, DB being part of that equation.