JS - When my W moved out we sat down and agreed on financial terms and a specific amount of money I would give her each month and what bills each of us would pay. During that time she came to me on several occasions asking if I could give her some additional assistance.
I will admit it really made me mad and I had the same feelings you did about not being a doormat, etc. It is hard to balance it all early on. The financial side of things is rarely discussed on the board and it can be difficult to navigate.
Looking back I have no regrets will giving my W assistance. She wanted to move out and I was not going to hold her back from doing so due to financial ramifications. Yes D changes everything financially but if it's going to happen it's going to happen and like AS indicated by not working with her IMO it will hurt you in the long run.
I will be Divorced in 1 week but I do believe that I did nothing wrong in assisting her and it had no impact on my W moving forward and still initiating the D paperwork. I do believe though that because of my actions I helped our D be an amicable one, one in which we both looked out for each others best interests, a D that will cost us only $1000 and a D that has allowed our children to thrive and be happy.
I don't know how it would have turned out if I had tried to hold money over her head and have supported her through the process.
How you conduct yourself when your back is against the wall and your about to lose everything you have ever known is the true sign of a man with character.
