Can I really do this?

[AnotherStander]

Kind of put it to my wife that SHE needs to tell our daughter that she can't do this since the impact of us not being able to do this is due to her decision (totally financial).

Is it her fault? From your first post:

Our real rough couple of years came with a business failure (no fault of ours, just happened) causing bankruptcy, foreclosure, etc. I fought hard during that time to just keep my family together. I held on too tight, pushed, pressured (everything Michelle says NOT to do), and my wife was in a different place. Her reaction to our catastrophe was to curl up in a ball and shut out the world (including me). So when I pushed, she just pulled farther away.

So your financial woes are due to a business failure, which you state was not the fault of either of you. So why do you want to lay this at her feet now? You sure you're not just trying to punish her because she wants out of the M? "Keep the way home paved and smooth." Read that phrase and tell me what you think you should do to abide by that.

Am i wrong in letting my wife feel the ramifications of her decisions come to roost in this way? I can't make it easy for her and handle everything and I still believe my wife is delusional about how her lifestyle is going to change drastically (and unfortunately my children as well) with regard to her decision.

First if you isolate her and blame her she will interpret that as you being an ass, and it will just reinforce in her mind that leaving you is the right thing to do. Second, she knows things are going to change drastically and it scares her. She is not happy and joyful inside, she is confused and in turmoil. She wants to blame you for all of this. QUIT GIVING HER AMMO TO BLAME YOU. Step back. Give her time and space. ALWAYS respect her even when she doesn't respect you. Conduct yourself with DIGNITY.

Am I right or wrong or somewhere in between?

Read what I wrote above and tell me if you think you're right or wrong. And if you think you're wrong, then describe what you think a better approach would be.